I just watched the first forty or so minutes of Return To Sleepaway Camp. I will not be watching the other forty six. It was wretched. Everything about it was horrible, screechy, unlikeable and, above all else, unnecessarily cruel (which would be fine if I was only talking about the kill scenes, but I was almost to the halfway point and there had been only two kill scenes, neither of which were all that wretched compared to the rest of the movie).
To be honest, I remember having a similar reaction to the original Sleepaway Camp but I'm also pretty sure it had at least one or two likeable and / or kind characters, and the ending was a doozy. Return To Sleepaway Camp had a grand total of zero likeable and / or kind characters. Not one. And I'm one hundred percent certain the ending isn't a doozy.
(POSSIBLE (seeing as I didn't actually finish the movie) SPOILER: I bet you money that in the end it turns out the sheriff is the killer, and that he's also Angela in disguise. I'm 99.999999 percent certain that's the ending.)
Anyway, seeing as I gave up on it, I'd like to take this opportunity to write a post I'd been thinking about doing for a while: Movies I Couldn't Finish.
You see, I kind of see movies as a dare. I have to watch them through to the bitter end, even if I'm not enjoying them, because go to hell, movie, I am the master of you!
Sometimes I cannot follow through on those dares. For instance:
Desire - Also known as The Salt On Our Skin, this is a slow, boring romantic drama starring Vincent D'Onofrio that I tried to watch twice and fell asleep both times. In the middle of the afternoon. Considering how much I hate napping, this must be the most boring movie ever made.
Dragnet - This one actually may have been a matter of me not being in the mood to watch a movie at the time. But a lot of movies can change my mood after I've started watching them. Dragnet could not.
Fear - Something about ghosts, I think? This was an Indian movie about a lady and maybe ghosts. Not only could I not finish it, I can't remember what little I did watch.
Hack - Holy mother of pretension, was this movie a pain in the brain. The first twenty minutes (all I could stand to watch) were nothing but a screenwriter screaming "Look how much I know about popular culture! Please think I'm cool!" Sorry, dude. Not cool.
Hope Floats - I don't think Sandra Bullock has ever been in a movie that remotely interested me. Especially not this one. This is the only movie I ever walked out of in a movie theater (and didn't eventually return to; I did walk out of The Lion King but I did go back in). I'm not entirely sure why I went to see it in the first place. A friend dragged me, I think. It sucked.
My Name Is Bruce - So, it turns out I don't like Bruce Campbell. I hate actors who play "themselves" as complete assholes who you just want to punch in the nuts (or the female equivalent thereof, if they're ladies). Hate them. And from what I watched of My Name Is Bruce, that's all that it was.
Paranormal Entity - I figured since I hated Paranormal Activity so goddamn much, maybe I'd like the crappy ripoff version by The Asylum. I gave up after less than ten minutes. It seemed to be a guaranteed bore, just like the movie whose success it was trying to make money off of.
Raising Arizona - They kidnapped a baby. They motherfucking kidnapped a baby. And they're supposed to be the protagonists. Fuck this movie.
Return To Sleepaway Camp - Cruel, unnecessary, awful, wretched movie.
Swimming With Sharks - One of the many reasons I'm scared of Kevin Spacey. (Okay, I do like the line about the Sweet 'N Low about how "I don't care if there's fucking fairy dust in it," but that wasn't enough to save this.)
The Scarlet Letter - I've actually considered giving this movie a second chance, on the sole virtue of Gary Oldman being beautiful (and drunk off his ass, but we don't have to talk about that). However, I first tried to watch it at the height of my first Gary Oldman phase and him being beautiful didn't save it then (and being drunk off his ass might be part of why he couldn't save it).
20,000 Leagues Under The Sea - Okay, I have to admit I turned it off so I wouldn't have to see the giant squid. I'm afraid of squids and octopuses. (And, yes, I know those aren't the proper plurals of those words.)
We Think The World Of You - Speaking of movies I couldn't finish featuring beautiful Gary Oldman, here's another. He wasn't in it very much and I got bored.
There was one more I was talking about to Rebekah about a week ago, but cannot for the life of me remember now, and it is driving me up the wall. If it comes to me, I'll let you know.
End of line.