Saturday, August 31, 2013

Repo Man

Repo Man is about Emilio Estevez and Harry Dean Stanton (and some other guys) stealing cars. It's also about aliens. And people who rob convenience stores. And it's also about nothing.
I really enjoyed it but man am I having a hard time thinking of anything to say about it. It's meandering and silly and I liked it a lot.
My favorite thing about it was the fact that all the crazy stuff that happens in the movie sort of just happens around Otto (Emilio Estevez's character) and he goes along with it all, but he never seems all that involved. He just goes with whatever is going on around him.
I also enjoyed spotting a very tiny Michael Nesmith on a TV screen in one scene.
And I enjoyed the bits that have since been referenced and sampled by The Aquabats.
A whole lot of things in the movie just cracked me up, it's a fun movie. It's almost like a Some Shit That Happened movie but I can't quite put it into that category because, for one thing, I actually enjoyed it and, for another, it had an element of the fantastic in it that Some Shit That Happened movies sorely lack.

End of line.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

I've lost my enthusiasm

I haven't been writing many reviews lately for two reasons:
1) I barely watch movies anymore
2) a very long-winded reason; see explanation below
Like most blogs, mine exists on the internet, which means anybody in the world can access it at any time. So people can wander in and out and they're not all going to agree with me. The whole reason I started this blog was because I never agreed with movie reviews so I figured I should just start writing my own.
A few months ago someone posted a comment on an review I wrote about two years ago of a particularly pandering and insulting movie that I really, really hated. They took offense at my review and essentially called me an asshole and I responded by essentially telling them to fuck off. I believe we were both in the right.
I will say right now that I probably used way too many curse words in that review (especially since it was for a "family" movie). I haven't read it since I wrote it but I seem to recall feeling remarkably angry at the movie and I tend to curse when I'm angry.
And that's the thing about these reviews: what I write is mainly my emotional response. If I hate something, boy howdy you will know it. If I love it, I have a very hard time writing about it because love is too strong and intangible to put into words. If I don't love or hate it, the review will be pretty boring. I try to write reviews as soon after I watch the movie as possible because I want the emotion to be fresh.
Sometimes that's good and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes I try to say something nice even when I have nothing nice to say (Paranormal Activity); sometimes I say something nice only to have the emotion change later and I grow to have nothing nice to say (The Hunger Games); sometimes I never have anything nice to say and fill a review with profanity and anger (a whole bunch of things).
But that one comment on that one two-year-old review really got under my skin. It made me feel like I'm an absolute bully who abuses people for no good reason.
It made me not want to write movie reviews anymore.
It made me not want to write anything anymore.
It made me want to delete all my blogs forever.
So I haven't been watching movies and I haven't been writing much.
And I really am sorry if I upset anyone but sometimes I just irrationally hate stuff.
Because I'm human.

End of line.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I think the most interesting thing about 1408 is the fact that I watched it on Monday afternoon and
didn't think much of it but it kept me up with a good case of the jibblies on Tuesday night.
The movie's about a guy who investigates supposedly haunted places and then writes books about how it's all a bunch of hooey. He gets a postcard one day telling him to avoid room 1408 at the Dolphin Hotel in New York (which he would have had a much easier time doing if you hadn't sent the postcard, dingus; it's easy to avoid what you don't know exists) so he immediately checks in, even though Samuel L. Jackson really doesn't want him to.
Everything that happens after that follows intense nightmare non-logic. There's a guy with a hammer, the lead character has a bunch of flashbacks, people turn to dust, John Cusack crawls around in the air ducts, there's a flood, walls crack, et cetera.
It's rad. There's something to be said for a movie that barely has a narrative flow but is chock full of crazy shit going on and, most importantly, keeps me interested the whole time.
One thing happens at the end that didn't quite pass my suspension of disbelief's standards, but considering all the wackiness that made it past without question, I'd still say the movie wins.
This movie was also the first time in my life I ever understood why so many of my friends have had crushes on John Cusack.

End of line.


John Constantine can see scary demon shit and has been using this ability to try to keep the world demon-free, in the hopes that it'll redeem him from a vague Something Terrible he did when he was younger. Rachel Weisz's sister Rachel Weisz jumped off a building a couple days ago and needs Constantine to help her sister's soul get to Heaven.
Tilda Swinton and Peter Stormare are badasses who aren't in the movie enough. Occasioncally Shia LaBeouf (is that how that's spelled?) and Djimon Hounsou show up, too.
Constantine is dark, fiery, CGI-filled, Keanu Reeves-y fun-filled goodtimes. The plot exists and I think I followed it but we all know the plot is not why I tuned in. I tuned in for the dark, CGI fire explosion nonsense and Tilda Swinton being a badass.
I liked Constantine. Don't know if I'll watch it again but I wouldn't object if someone put it on. It's fun. I like fun.

End of line.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Some big, fancy company is having a big, fancy party and nine people have boarded an elevator in the big, fancy building to get there. One of the passengers is particularly loudmouthed and mean, which makes the boss's equally mean granddaughter press the emergency stop button.
Then it turns out the stuck elevator is not so easy to get unstuck. And one of the passengers has a bomb.
I watched Elevator 'cause the premise sounded interesting to me; as I've said before, I love "bunch of people locked in a small space" thrillers but this one didn't work for me. I don't know if it was because it was grounded in reality or because I thought (strangely, coming from me) that it was unnecessarily gory or what, but I just wasn't a fan.
There wasn't really anything wrong with it, I just didn't like it. Oh well.

End of line.