Saturday, December 21, 2013

The 2013 Year End Roundup

This was not a big movie year for me. Part of it had to do with the fact that I stopped hanging out with the one person I usually went to movies with. She has her life going on and I have my life going on and they didn't overlap much. Part of me is really bummed about falling out of touch with her but, honestly, part of me is relieved. We didn't have a lot of the same interests.
So this year I didn't go see a lot of movies, which is why two of the movies on my paltry year-end roundup list are movies I didn't see in a theater. One I watched on an airplane and the other was on video tape (which is the only way to watch it, to be honest).
This year was less about movies for me than it was about music. It was about Local H and, to a much greater extent, The Aquabats. The Aquabats have taken over my brain. That's actually quite a good thing. For once I feel happy most of the time and I'm actually slowly starting to hack my way toward a path in my life. I hope I stick with it. I really need some direction.
Here's hoping that 2014 will be a good year, that I'll keep heading toward having a real purpose in life, and that The Aquabats' twentieth anniversary will be a great one!
And now here is my Top Nine Movies Of 2013:

9) Hansel And Gretel Witch Hunters - Forgettable, CGI-laden borefest.
8) Gravity - That opening shot that goes on for, like, fifteen minutes was very cool. Overall I thought it was well made, it just couldn't make me care. I am not the target audience.
7) Mama - Parts of it were creepy and I wanted to like it but I couldn't stand the lead character and the ending could not have been sadder.
6) Monsters University - This one has a happy ending, at least, but most of what led to that happy ending made me sad.
5) WNUF Halloween Special - Creepy fucking movie that I still think about and get the chills. But there were a couple of parts where I just thought "They wouldn't have shown that!" and it kind of ruined the illusion.
4) The Conjuring - I love James Wan movies and The Conjuring is a good, solid, creepy one.
3) Insidious Chapter Two - When I saw them I felt this one was stronger than The Conjuring but right now I think they're about tied. I may switch them later. This was a solid sequel to a movie that I still think didn't need one.
2) Evil Dead - Solid story, lots of gore, great fun was had by all. I just wish they'd left out all the references to the original Evil Dead series. You've got your own thing going on, guys, and you shoved me right out of it by deliberately reminding me you're a remake.
1) The Lords Of Salem - I could sit here for hours trying and failing to articulate why I loved this movie so much. It's not the easiest to watch. Rob Zombie is my favorite director and this one is, in many ways, so different from his other movies but is also still so obviously his. It's beautiful and haunting and creepy and sad and bonkers. I'm glad it's nothing like the book.

End of line.

The Canterville Ghost and Henry Hamilton: Graduate Ghost

Also known as the Twelve-Year-Old Christian Jacobs Ghost Double Feature.
The Canterville Ghost is based on an Oscar Wilde story and is about the ghost of a nobleman who allegedly murdered his wife, and who befriends a little girl who helps him break a spell.
Henry Hamilton: Graduate Ghost was made for ABC Weekend Specials and is about the ghost of a Confederate soldier who needs to scare a family to get his diploma, and who befriends a little girl who helps him reach his goal.
Of the two movies, The Canterville Ghost is better-acted and has a stronger story. It's also pretty boring.
Henry Hamilton: Graduate Ghost, on the other hand is a (as The Cinema Snob puts it) shot on shitteo affair with barely competent storytelling (there's a completely pointless tangent about two burglars that takes way too much time) and is a hell of a lot more fun to watch. It's full of brilliant little moments of lousiness that make me want to show the movie to, if not all my friends, at least to my friends Kristin and Tom who would enjoy it the same way I did.
Oh, and Christian Jacobs is in both movies as The Oldest Of Three Kids. He was about twelve. It's cute.

End of line.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Judy Moody And The Not Bummer Summer

Judy Moody And The Not Bummer Summer is the story of a whiny, entitled brat who we're supposed to like for some reason. Extreme, uncomfortable closeups for no good reason abound.
Ugghhhhh. Kill me.

End of line.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


A bunch of diverse teenagers from a bunch of different schools are headed out on a school-funded excursion to a village in Malaysia for four months. For school reasons. I think they explained it at the beginning of the movie but I missed it. And it turned out not to matter anyway because when they transfer from an airliner to a little seaplane, the little seaplane crashes and strands them on a deserted island. Their teacher, who was the only adult chaperone (not counting the asshole drug smuggling pilot, who I'll get to), insists on leaving with the pilot to get help, thus stranding all the teenagers.
Hilarity ensues.
Well, sort of. Not really.
There were some funny moments, most of which were provided by a comic relief character named Derf, played by Christian Jacobs (so we all already know 1) why I was watching this movie at all and 2) who my favorite character was). But the funniest moment was provided by a different character, who promptly and abruptly died offscreen less than a minute later, putting a damper on my moment of joyous laughter. Thanks a lot, movie.
A lot of the movie focuses on how different characters get along (or don't get along, as they case may be) and how they build a society on the island. There were a few plot points I felt were sort of abandoned or not really looked into (I thought the kid who talked to monkeys was cool but they didn't do much with that). And Derf faded into the background as soon as the movie decided to be pretty much completely serious. So there's that.
And then ... Okay, this is getting spoilery from here on in so if you have any interest in seeing Exile, maybe stop reading now. Okay, so it turns out the pilot crashed when he went back to get help. The teacher died and the pilot stranded himself on the same island as the kids. The kids find him and offer to let him come live with them, where he proceeds to be the world's worst houseguest: bossing them around, stealing their stuff, making sexual advances toward underage girls, peeing too close to the only water source, that sort of thing.
Now I'm going to be extra special spoilery and give away the end of the movie so stop reading if you care about that: Asshole Pilot kidnaps one of the girls and everyone goes all battle mode to get her back. Which they do. And Monkey Kid clocks Asshole Pilot in the head with a rock, which knocks him out. Then they end by saying "We've been on the island about a month and we're doing pretty well for ourselves and it's funny that the first thing we built is a jail."
What?! No! Kill that asshole. He's going to break out and commit all the rape. I'm pretty sure he already did rape that girl he kidnapped. One guy even brought up murder in one of the "what sort of laws are we making?" scenes and so I thought that was going to be a pretty important plot point. But nobody murdered anybody. Yet another thread the movie picked up and then dropped without studying it. Annoying.
But I did really like the fact that the movie just ended without any real closure. They may not ever get rescued but they have society now.
(If I were feeling a little more awake and clever, I'd draw a comparison between the fact that this movie has Christian Jacobs stranded on an island and how now he's a superhero from a little island called Aquabania but you can go ahead and make up your own silly fan theories 'cause I just don't feel like it right now.)

End of line.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Human Experiments

Poor Rachel Foster has terrible luck. When her car breaks down and she needs to use a phone, she just happens to ask for help at the house where a kid has just massacred his family. He turns his gun on her and Rachel shoots him first in self defense, rendering the kid comatose and getting herself wrongfully convicted of lots of murder. So she goes to prison and prison sucks.
Human Experiments is a movie that got itself on the Video Nasties list (if you'd like to know more on that subject, my buddy Justin Case can help you out) and for the life of me I can't figure out how or why. It's like the BBFC didn't even watch the movie before they condemned it. (Oh, wait...)
It's not even a horror movie, which is the genre I always assume the Video Nasties fall into. Human Experiments basically a women in prison movie, a really boring one. The last fifteen or twenty minutes kinda pick up but even then it wasn't enough to make me really interested in what was going on. There was just more going on then than there was in the first hour or so of the movie.
Highly recommended for people who are planning on watching all of the Video Nasties. Sadly, I haven't set that goal for myself so really there wasn't a lot in the movie for me.

End of line.

Thursday, November 14, 2013


Gravity is a very good movie but I can't say that I liked it. It was exhausting and parts of it were too sad and all of it was too heavy and serious for my taste.
The visuals were fantastic and the acting was good enough for me to forget for the most part that I was watching actors. I think a making-of documentary about this movie would be very interesting.
When I first saw the trailer for Gravity I kind of thought "Well, I just saw the whole movie so I don't need to see that one" and I was kind of wrong. There was definitely a lot of movie other than what went on in the trailer but to me it all kind of felt like filler.
I'm just not the audience for this movie. It's supposed to be an incredibly harrowing and moving story and no matter how well it's done, that sort of thing just doesn't appeal to me.
As far as I was concerned there was a point, probably about twenty or thirty minutes in, where I felt like it could have ended and I would have been completely satisfied and probably also a sobbing mess on the floor.
So for me, I guess, it would have worked much better as a short than a feature. But, like I said, I am not the audience for Gravity.

End of line.

Friday, November 8, 2013

WNUF Halloween Special

I am not exactly easy to scare anymore. When I was a kid practically everything frightened me but I have grown up to be a gorehound horror fan who is easily bored and angered by "found footage" movies. I have a personal vendetta against The Blair Witch Project and I sincerely believe anyone who found Paranormal Activity scary is a little bit stupid. (Oooh, arguing and sleeping, I'm so scared!)
WNUF Halloween Special fucking got to me. It got under my skin. It was creepy and unsettling and even though it was chock full of unpleasant characters I was on the verge of tears by the end. For some reason this one succeeds where many others fail.
Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it! (Even if you're not into the "Geraldo opening Al Capone's vault" style investigating-a-supposedly-haunted-house news story angle, watch it for the spot-on 1987-style local commercials. They're beautiful. They are perfectly imagined little globules of the past.)

End of line.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Hansel And Gretel Witch Hunters

This movie may as well not even exist.
I watched it on an airplane. It was the only movie in the Horror section of the plane's movie choices. I want to have a stern talking-to with whoever put it there because it is not a horror movie by any stretch of the imagination.
I couldn't hear much of the dialogue but it turns out I didn't have to. At no point was I lost, dialogue or not.
The special effects were large, abundant and uninteresting.
Gretel is set up as a strong character and then spends the entire film needing to be rescued by men.
The highest compliment I can pay Hansel And Gretel Witch Hunters is that Famke Janssen is in it. I like her. I think she's cool. I didn't like her character, I didn't think she even did all that great a job in it (she wasn't terrible, either; none of the actors were bad at all, it just wasn't a good movie), she just happened to be there and that's the nicest thing I can say about it.
That and I laughed really hard when Gretel's ogretroll friend punched a guy's head off.

End of line.

Wreck-It Ralph

Jeezus what a sad movie.
Everything involving Ralph made me sad. The whole beginning where all he wants is to be included and acknowledged as part of the game I was sitting there cringing, on the verge of tears, because I knew what he should have been saying to explain himself and he just kept saying the wrong things and making the situation worse and I couldn't leap in there and help him.
Everything involving Vanellope made me sad. At first I just flat out hated her because the way we're introduced to the character is her being an obnoxious jerk (and I just don't care for Sarah Silverman). Then we see her getting viciously picked on and even though I never totally warmed up to the character, every time something bad happened to her I wept. And a lot of bad things happen to her. The movie could have just as easily been called Gang Up On Vanellope.
So my overall feeling toward this movie is unimaginable sadness. There were great chunks of it that just plain hurt me to watch.
I was also annoyed that there wasn't a lot of game-hopping. I thought it was going to be a movie about Ralph going from game to game, all through the arcade, trying to become a hero, not Ralph going to one other game, then a second game and then just staying there the whole movie. That's boring!
I did, however, love Fix-It Felix and Calhoun. Both those characters were interesting and lovable (I wish I could say Ralph was lovable; I really wanted to like Ralph. But I just didn't. I didn't dislike him, either. He was just there and he made me feel sad) and their scenes together are the best in the movie.
I had planned on seeing Wreck-It Ralph ever since it came out but now that I've finally gotten around to it, I wish I hadn't bothered.

End of line.

The Woman In Black

I saw the movie of The Woman In Black back when it came out and was not terribly impressed by it but liked the story enough that I decided to go see the play while I was in London.
The play is a lot better than the movie, more interesting a creepier, and I considered going to see it a second time while I was there. (Didn't actually make it, but I did think about it.)
That being said, creepy things are a lot less creepy when a theaterful of teenage girls screams at every single tiny little thing and makes the next several lines of dialogue impossible to hear.
There's also a thing that happens in the play that I think is supposed to be a surprise but is pretty obvious from the moment it's set up much earlier in the show, and it makes the whole thing very sad.
I still highly recommend going to see it if you happen to be in London. Just try to go to a performance that isn't full of teenage girls.

End of line.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Django Unchained

Last week I took a trip to England and watched more movies on that trip than I had in months, starting with Django Unchained on the plane ride to London.
I had been meaning to see this movie since it came out but apparently I didn't mean to that much, since it took me almost a year (or however long it's been) to actually get around to seeing it. On a plane. Because it was the closest thing to a worthwhile movie they had to choose from.
I liked it.
Quentin Tarantino is very hit-or-miss for me; I loved Reservoir Dogs, liked Kill Bill, loved Grindhouse but prefer the parts he had little-to-nothing to do with. On the flipside, I don't care for Pulp Fiction, never saw Jackie Brown and can't come up with a third example to go here.
Django Unchained falls into the "good" half of the Tarantino repertoire but, that being said, I barely remember it now. I know it had some brilliant moments and I liked Christoph Waltz's character in particular.
But my opinion doesn't go any deeper than that. Of the three movies I watched on airplanes this trip, it was certainly the best but I'm also struggling to come up with anything to say about it.
Make of that what you will.
(In all fairness, I was on a red-eye flight and was very tired when I watched it. My lack of anything to say could be based on the fact that I fell asleep about five minutes after it ended.)

End of line.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Lords Of Salem

The novel this time, not the movie.
What I mainly want to say is that I think it's fascinating that Rob Zombie managed to tell essentially the same story that the movie tells but with almost none of the same things happening.
Where the movie is beautiful and hypnotic, the book is mostly just kind of gross. I'm sure if what's in the book had been put into the movie, I still would have liked it. But I don't think I would have loved it the way I love the movie.
The book tells more than the movie does, explains more about the effect that the Lords's music has on the women of Salem, which was interesting. But something about that, something about the drastically different dream sequences and the only-vaguely-similar scene progression didn't sit right with me.
They're very different entities.
I like the movie much, much better. (I wonder what the verdict would have been if I had read the book first.)

End of line.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Repo Man

Repo Man is about Emilio Estevez and Harry Dean Stanton (and some other guys) stealing cars. It's also about aliens. And people who rob convenience stores. And it's also about nothing.
I really enjoyed it but man am I having a hard time thinking of anything to say about it. It's meandering and silly and I liked it a lot.
My favorite thing about it was the fact that all the crazy stuff that happens in the movie sort of just happens around Otto (Emilio Estevez's character) and he goes along with it all, but he never seems all that involved. He just goes with whatever is going on around him.
I also enjoyed spotting a very tiny Michael Nesmith on a TV screen in one scene.
And I enjoyed the bits that have since been referenced and sampled by The Aquabats.
A whole lot of things in the movie just cracked me up, it's a fun movie. It's almost like a Some Shit That Happened movie but I can't quite put it into that category because, for one thing, I actually enjoyed it and, for another, it had an element of the fantastic in it that Some Shit That Happened movies sorely lack.

End of line.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

I've lost my enthusiasm

I haven't been writing many reviews lately for two reasons:
1) I barely watch movies anymore
2) a very long-winded reason; see explanation below
Like most blogs, mine exists on the internet, which means anybody in the world can access it at any time. So people can wander in and out and they're not all going to agree with me. The whole reason I started this blog was because I never agreed with movie reviews so I figured I should just start writing my own.
A few months ago someone posted a comment on an review I wrote about two years ago of a particularly pandering and insulting movie that I really, really hated. They took offense at my review and essentially called me an asshole and I responded by essentially telling them to fuck off. I believe we were both in the right.
I will say right now that I probably used way too many curse words in that review (especially since it was for a "family" movie). I haven't read it since I wrote it but I seem to recall feeling remarkably angry at the movie and I tend to curse when I'm angry.
And that's the thing about these reviews: what I write is mainly my emotional response. If I hate something, boy howdy you will know it. If I love it, I have a very hard time writing about it because love is too strong and intangible to put into words. If I don't love or hate it, the review will be pretty boring. I try to write reviews as soon after I watch the movie as possible because I want the emotion to be fresh.
Sometimes that's good and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes I try to say something nice even when I have nothing nice to say (Paranormal Activity); sometimes I say something nice only to have the emotion change later and I grow to have nothing nice to say (The Hunger Games); sometimes I never have anything nice to say and fill a review with profanity and anger (a whole bunch of things).
But that one comment on that one two-year-old review really got under my skin. It made me feel like I'm an absolute bully who abuses people for no good reason.
It made me not want to write movie reviews anymore.
It made me not want to write anything anymore.
It made me want to delete all my blogs forever.
So I haven't been watching movies and I haven't been writing much.
And I really am sorry if I upset anyone but sometimes I just irrationally hate stuff.
Because I'm human.

End of line.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I think the most interesting thing about 1408 is the fact that I watched it on Monday afternoon and
didn't think much of it but it kept me up with a good case of the jibblies on Tuesday night.
The movie's about a guy who investigates supposedly haunted places and then writes books about how it's all a bunch of hooey. He gets a postcard one day telling him to avoid room 1408 at the Dolphin Hotel in New York (which he would have had a much easier time doing if you hadn't sent the postcard, dingus; it's easy to avoid what you don't know exists) so he immediately checks in, even though Samuel L. Jackson really doesn't want him to.
Everything that happens after that follows intense nightmare non-logic. There's a guy with a hammer, the lead character has a bunch of flashbacks, people turn to dust, John Cusack crawls around in the air ducts, there's a flood, walls crack, et cetera.
It's rad. There's something to be said for a movie that barely has a narrative flow but is chock full of crazy shit going on and, most importantly, keeps me interested the whole time.
One thing happens at the end that didn't quite pass my suspension of disbelief's standards, but considering all the wackiness that made it past without question, I'd still say the movie wins.
This movie was also the first time in my life I ever understood why so many of my friends have had crushes on John Cusack.

End of line.


John Constantine can see scary demon shit and has been using this ability to try to keep the world demon-free, in the hopes that it'll redeem him from a vague Something Terrible he did when he was younger. Rachel Weisz's sister Rachel Weisz jumped off a building a couple days ago and needs Constantine to help her sister's soul get to Heaven.
Tilda Swinton and Peter Stormare are badasses who aren't in the movie enough. Occasioncally Shia LaBeouf (is that how that's spelled?) and Djimon Hounsou show up, too.
Constantine is dark, fiery, CGI-filled, Keanu Reeves-y fun-filled goodtimes. The plot exists and I think I followed it but we all know the plot is not why I tuned in. I tuned in for the dark, CGI fire explosion nonsense and Tilda Swinton being a badass.
I liked Constantine. Don't know if I'll watch it again but I wouldn't object if someone put it on. It's fun. I like fun.

End of line.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Some big, fancy company is having a big, fancy party and nine people have boarded an elevator in the big, fancy building to get there. One of the passengers is particularly loudmouthed and mean, which makes the boss's equally mean granddaughter press the emergency stop button.
Then it turns out the stuck elevator is not so easy to get unstuck. And one of the passengers has a bomb.
I watched Elevator 'cause the premise sounded interesting to me; as I've said before, I love "bunch of people locked in a small space" thrillers but this one didn't work for me. I don't know if it was because it was grounded in reality or because I thought (strangely, coming from me) that it was unnecessarily gory or what, but I just wasn't a fan.
There wasn't really anything wrong with it, I just didn't like it. Oh well.

End of line.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Punk Rock Holocaust 2

There are two glaring problems with Punk Rock Holocaust 2.
The first is one I expected and had come to terms with before I even put the DVD into the player: there is a severe lack of Aquabats through most of the movie.
The second problem is the movie's misguided attempt to have a plot.
While all of Punk Rock Holocaust 2's script is stupid (product placement abounds!), parts of the movie are very funny, the violent scenes are incredibly entertaining and I enjoyed the live concert footage sprinkled throughout the movie. It was made to promote the Warped Tour, after all, so the live music (and, sadly, the product placement) is necessary. Even when I wasn't particularly enjoying a band's music, it's always fun to see people performing.
The Headless Executioner running around, pulling off people's heads, wearing victims's heads and killing even more people was lots of fun. Those scenes were also much fewer and further between than the cover art (and even the name of the movie) would lead one to believe.
It seemed most of the movie's running time was devoted to two female reporters, one doing in-studio interviews with a man insisting that devil worship is involved with the massacre and one wandering around the tour trying to uncover the truth behind the Punk Rock Holocaust, and almost all the fun of the movie came to a screeching halt whenever the story turned to one of the reporter women.
Some funny scenes emerged from the woman wandering around at the tour (her encounter with a girl and her new boyfriend horse was pretty funny) but for the most part it was boring. Every time a dialogue scene began all I could think about was either "I wish they'd get back to killing people" or "I should just give up and watch that Aquabats part again."
So basically Punk Rock Holocaust 2 is a movie that made me not interested in sticking with it 'til the end because there was too much story and not enough slaughter (and because the people I tuned in to see were the first victims). I did make it all the way through and can say with absolute certainty they have not piqued my interest in any of the other Punk Rock Holocaust movies.
It would have been much more entertaining as ninety seconds of plot exposition followed by ninety minutes of punk music and wacky decapitations.

End of line.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Aquabats at the San Diego House Of Blues, Thursday July 18, 2013

My home has become awash in Aquabats Fever over the past several months, thanks to my decision to introduce my niece to The Aquabats! Super Show!. Usually when I'm obsessed with something, nobody really listens to me but Mokey took it and ran with it and now we're all crazy about them. Thanks a lot, me! (Or something like that?)
(Fun side note: my brother, who first introduced me to The Aquabats back when I was in high school, was the last one in the house to grow to enjoy the TV show.)
So it was only natural that I would spare no expense in getting to see The Aquabats in concert when I found out they were playing in San Diego. The show was tied to Comic Con, which is something I haven't been to in five years and have no intention of going back anytime soon (too crowded and expensive) but I have friends who live in San Diego who have an air mattress they let me sleep on and, since they were going to Con, let me ride into downtown with them the day of the show.
I shan't bore you with what I spent most of the day doing (short version: walking around) and skip straight to the good bits.
The Aquabats opened with Fashion Zombies, enhanced by some pretty sweet classic horror movie clips playing on a screen behind them and my brain shut down and went into Fangirly Concertgoer Mode, where I turn into a screaming, cheering, dopey smiling, bouncing fangirl nutball. I usually have this terrible need to always be in control of my actions and my brain, to always have some semblance of decorum in pretty much every situation. The only time that shuts off and I revert entirely to instinct is when I'm at a concert, I'm in the front row and a band I love is playing loud, awesome music directly in front of me.
And if that band is The Aquabats and The MC Bat Commander is standing on the barricade and stepping on my stuff, so much the better.
My memories of the show come in fits and starts; I remember bits and pieces of the evening but not what order they go in, just that they happened and they were wonderful. A few standout moments:
- Jimmy popping a bubble with his mind
- The MC Bat Commander trying on an audience member's Warriors vest
- throwing plastic balls at a wizard who came onstage to jeer The Aquabats
- blowing a kiss to Crash and him blowing one back to me
- the Commander making up a song called I'm So Sleepy I'm Gonna Go To Sleep
- Warren Fitzgerald of The Vandals coming out to sing I Have A Date
- Jimmy saying "purple is a fruit" and then smiling at me when I cheered
- Eaglebones and Chainsaw having a guitar duel that quickly devolved into playing each other's guitars
- the title card from Rad popping up on the screen behind them during Super Rad and the weird pink dragon that "flew" across the stage during Luck Dragon Lady
- The MC Bat Commander periodically opening bottles of water to fling onto the overheating front rows of the audience (and subsequently fogging my glasses but what are you gonna do)
- Jimmy mumbling his way through Robot Dreams, even with the lyrics in front of him
I tried my best when I got back to Shelby's that night to write down all the songs they played but I'm certain I missed some. If I had any complaint about the show it would be that they didn't play much of their older, ska-ier stuff.
If I had a second complaint about the show it would be that The MC Bat Commander did not do a backflip.
But those complaints are so miniscule that they may as well not even exist.
Remember when I saw Local H and was completely blown away by them, so in love with the concert that I couldn't believe I hadn't been listening to them all along? I had a similar feeling during this Aquabats concert but for reasons on the complete opposite end of the spectrum.
That Local H show was small, intimate and consisted of two blow-you-away talented musicians on stage, performing for an audience. Then Scott Lucas duct taped a microphone to his face and jumped into the audience and I had a "where have you been all my life?" mental reboot. It was small and magical and chaotic.
The Aquabats show was much larger and not nearly as intimate, size-of-venue-and-audience-wise, but it was just as magical and chaotic (possibly even moreso), and they made up for the lack of intimacy by the guys in the band doing their best to interact with the audience, providing us with plastic balls to throw at the wizard, doing their best to banter with and talk to the crowd, and in the out-and-out chaos that was Pool Party.
You see, the show was all-ages and The Aquabats pulled onstage as many of their little homies as they possibly could (as well as a bunch of kids from backstage). Then they re-brought out their special guests, Chainsaw, Rick-the-guy-on-the-bike and Warren Fitzgerald, as well as opening act DJ Lance Rock. Then the song started, beach balls and inflatable sharks and plastic balls started bouncing around the audience, along with pool floaties and two giant Rover balloons. Then the confetti came. And there were plenty of smoke-filled bubbles floating out over the crowd and the stage all night, so those were there, too. And midway through the song I realized that I have been to concerts where the band interacts with the audience, I have been to They Might Be Giants and Gogol Bordello shows that feel like parties (and in the case of TMBG, have included confetti), I've been to punk shows where things have gotten crazy or out of hand.
But I have never been to a show that felt anything near like the family friendly punk rock party insanity that The Aquabats invoked during Pool Party.
After the show I drank pretty much an entire bottle of water in one gulp, bought some stuff from the merch table and went outside to wait for the band to come out. Which they did and, being the super awesome and friendly guys that they are, they hung around to talk to people, sign things (in my case, an Up All Night trucker cap) and take pictures with the fans.
So I got to meet Crash:
and I inadvertently said something that I think made him feel old and I still feel bad about that and cringe at myself a little bit when I think about it.
Then I got to meet Ricky:
and I guess Ricky Fitness is my camera's favorite Aquabat because it was so excited to take a picture of him that it fainted out of my hand and smashed on the ground and broke its lens and I had to get the rest of the pictures on my phone's lousy camera. (Ricky tried to make me feel better by telling me he'd had, like, three of those cameras and the lenses broke on all of them.)
Then I got to meet Jimmy:
and it turns out he was the one person in the band who froze my brain more than any other. I wanted to talk to him but just couldn't make words form.
Then I got to meet the Commander:
who turned out to be the easiest member of the band to talk to, which surprised me because I assumed he'd be the one I'd be the most starstruck by. But he was so friendly that I managed to chat with him like he was just some guy. (Which, in a way, he is...)
Then I got to meet Chainsaw:
with his remarkably dashing beard.
And I thought I had missed Eaglebones but it turns out he was just standing a bit away from everyone else, so I not only got to meet him:
but I also got to see him say goodnight to Jimmy and as I was leaving he handled it very well when I momentarily forgot how handshakes work.
(Also, before Jimmy said goodnight to his bandmate he tried to talk to me about the trucker caps and how they looked just like the ones on the show but my brain froze again and I don't recall if I actually said anything to him in reply. I know I opened my mouth to offer to give him one, realized that was silly and then shut my mouth again; I certainly do hope I said something.)
It was an amazing show, a fantastic night and words can't begin to express how much fun I had and how much I want to go to another one.
They may have beaten Local H for Best Concert Of 2013.

End of line.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Monsters University

But first, The Blue Umbrella, the pre-movie short. My review of The Blue Umbrella will be written in the form of a letter:

Dear Pixar,
Tacking on a happy ending does not make up for the abject misery you just made me sit through.
This letter applies to almost all of your pre-movie shorts.

Okay, now on to Monsters University.
Parts of it were funny and overall it was a very good movie but I can't exactly say I liked it.
I didn't hate it. I didn't even dislike it. I just didn't like it. It made my heart hurt.
The pre-credits opening made my heart hurt for Little Mike Wazowski who all the other kids in his class picked on. The introduction of Randall Boggs as a cheerful, likeable lizard creature made my heart hurt knowing he's the villain in Monsters Incorporated. College-Aged Mike Wazowski's undying desire to be a scarer made my heart hurt knowing he never moves on to that career. The old "jocks picking on the nerds" trope throughout the movie made my heart hurt because it always makes my heart hurt.
I saw the Carrie homage coming a mile away and the scene after it, with one fraternity humiliating another, was the first of many scenes to make me cry.
People never seem to understand why I don't like Pixar and it's really hard to verbalize, but I'll do my best:
Pixar revels in cruelty. Pixar loves to see its characters suffer. The reason I love Brave is because it's the only Pixar movie that doesn't rip your heart out and show it to you. (Except Cars. Or maybe Cars did do that and I was just too stupifyingly bored to notice.)
What Monsters University truly is at its core is a Root For The Underdog Sports Movie. Which is not a genre I seek out but in this case its done very well. The main characters are all one hundred percent lovable and the bad guys are classic, cartoonishly assholey jocks who (in my experience, anyway) don't exist in real life. Admittedly I never went to college but in high school I never saw any "jocks versus nerds" conflict. It was all more "everybody hangs out with their own groups of friends and doesn't bug anybody else."
The point is, it's a plot device I never liked to begin with. It's manipulative and painful to have to watch. Too much sadness there. I can't completely enjoy a movie that focuses on it.
There is a lot of good in Monsters University, mostly from the Oozma Kappa fraternity members, John Goodman's performance as Sully (they gave him almost all the really strong emotional moments in the movie and he gives a damn good performance. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I genuinely don't trust anyone who claims to not like John Goodman) and the impressive animation on the grumpy, dragony dean. There were a lot of parts that made me smile and I think there were one or two parts that even made me laugh.
But overall I walked out feeling sad.
I almost always walk out of Pixar movies feeling sad, even when they end on a happy note.

End of line.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


Good gravy, how many different movies called Alice can I possibly watch??? This is the third I've reviewed on this blog.
This particular Alice is a Sci Fi Channel miniseries that uses Alice In Wonderland as a jumping off point to tell its tale. A woman named Alice chases some men who have kidnapped her boyfriend, falls into a looking glass and ends up in a futuristic Wonderland where the Queen Of Hearts has been kidnapping people from Alice's world to harvest for emtions, which are sold to Wonderland residents as drugs. In her attempts to save her boyfriend, Alice gets mixed up with the resistance that wants to overthrow the queen.
I wasn't sure at first whether I was enjoying the miniseries or not. Once again they annoyed me by throwing in a Jabberwock (annoying because they're always dragon-type monsters and because Jabberwocky is just a poem Alice reads and is not something that actually happens) and ... I don't remember, I think something else bugged me. But when I started explaining the movie to my mom I realized how invested I was in the story.
A lot of it was predictable. I couldn't help but roll my eyes when they threw in a love triangle and could pretty much tell how it would all end. But it was still a whole heck of a lot of fun to watch. It kind of reminded me of The Tenth Kingdom in a lot of ways (although this time the absent parent was a dad instead of a mom) and I really quite liked The Tenth Kingdom. And this was even one-up on that by being a couple hours shorter, less convoluted and stuck to reimagining one classic story instead of every classic story.
And special notice must be paid to Matt Frewer, who played Charlie, the White Knight. I like Matt Frewer. I haven't seen him in a lot of things but every time I see his name in the opening credits of something, I smile. It kind of bums me out that he seems to always get the part of "token crazy guy" because while watching Alice I was repeatedly drawn in and impressed by his performance. Every Token Crazy Guy he plays is a different kind of crazy and it really sort of hit me all at once midway through this miniseries just how talented he is. How is he not more famous?
So, yes, despite its predictability Alice has an interesting enough story and a damn good cast enough to be worth the three hours it takes to watch it. I might even watch it again sometime.

End of line.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Galaxy Of Terror

Some amount of years ago, a crew went on a mission to a planet and only one of them returned. Now she's a grizzled, grumpy captain who has been sent on a mission to see if there were any survivors from the first mission. With her is her expert team: Elderly Commander, Blonde Lady, Robert Englund, Lando Calrissian Lookalike Contest Winner, Surly Violent Guy, Quiet Big Guy, Psychic Lady, Scaredyman and Ray Walston.
Any plot beyond that was filled with space mission mumbo jumbo but basically boiled down to "let's find excuses to isolate someone so they can get killed."
Therefore, Galaxy Of Terror, while not a perfect movie, is quite entertaining.
Death setpieces range from Attacked By Own Weapon to Zuul Monster to Giant Rape Bug, and the filmmakers prove they know what a girl likes by including a scene with two Robert Englunds, a good one and an evil one.
There was a lot of talk in the movie about a The Master, who apparently ordered the space missions in the first place and I think if I had understood that, I would have understood the ending which, as it stands now in my slow, sleepy brain, didn't make a lick of sense.
It was still fun to watch, though.

End of line.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Shock Treatment

Denton is a city (I think) that is a television station and the lives of the people who live there are intertwined with all of Denton's shows, which are all connected to each other. For instance, Brad and Janet Majors are chosen to take part in a marriage counseling program, which leads in to Brad being committed in the mental hospital on a soap opera while Janet is seduced by both stardom and Denton's new sponsor, Farley Flavors.
I've had a theory for years that, since I hate The Rocky Horror Picture Show I would probably love its hated-by-lots-of-people sequel Shock Treatment and it turns out I was mostly right. Much like Rocky Horror its plot mainly revolves around Janet being drawn away from her husband and it hits a point near the middle where the movie turns quite boring.
But it also has things in common with its prequel that I actually like: Richard O'Brien's songs (and singing voice) for instance, and the stunning Patricia Quinn who I think I may be in love with at this point. Much like Lords Of Salem, she drew my attention even if she was in the background doing essentially nothing.
Shock Treatment also had something in common with Repo! The Genetic Opera (a movie which is often unjustly compared to Rocky Horror): nurses in shorty short skirts. So there that is.
But enough comparing it to other movies, how was Shock Treatment on its own two legs?
Well, it was colorful and campy. The music was catchy, the singing was top notch and there was no terrible, overplayed dancealong song to make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yes, it did get a bit boring near the middle but not unbearably so. My mind just started to wander. And eventually the movie did throw in another good song or two to try to win me back, which kind of worked.
It wasn't the best movie I've seen, certainly, but I'm standing on the edge of wanting to say that I loved it. Colorful and campy is probably the easiest way to win me over and most of the acting was better than it probably needed to be considering the fact that Shock Treatment is essentially a "B movie." (Although B movies are usually the best movies. Maybe the acting was as good as it needed to be.)
Cliff De Young, for example, plays both the straight and narrow Brad Majors and the swaggering business jerk Farley Flavors and I don't know that I'd have known that if the end credits hadn't told me so. And Jessica Harper has been great in all two movies I've seen her in; I really ought to watch more of her work.
So as far as I'm concerned Shock Treatment is much, much preferrable over the movie that it sequels. That being said, much as I enjoyed the music in this movie, not one of its songs can hold a candle to Science Fiction Double Feature.

End of line.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Gleaming The Cube

The late 1980s and early 1990s had a genre of movie that is much harder to come across these days. I don't know if it has an official name but if I had to call it something, I'd call it "skatesploitation" because it's as good a moniker as any.
Even though it's about BMX racing rather than skateboarding, I'd say Rad fell into that category along with movies like Airborne and Grind and Prayer Of The Rollerboys (which is a rollerblading movie, but still) and our subject this evening, Gleaming The Cube.
I'd be a liar if I said I'd seen many skatesploitation movies. If you include the one I watched tonight, I've seen two (the other being Rad) but I'm going by the rule that you can judge an exploitation film by its trailer; regardless of what happens in the movie, the trailer plays up what the movie is exploiting to get butts in the seats.
But enough of my babbling, what is this movie about?
Gleaming The Cube is about a Christian Slater who hangs around with his skateboarding buddies and shares a room with his adopted brother Vinh, with whom he plays chess and bickers (but in a loving way). Vinh works at a video store run by his girlfriend's father, who is involved with a charity that provides medical supplies to Vietnam. He's also involved in shady goings-on. And Vinh finds out about those shady goings on and then all kinds of shit hits the fan. So Christian Slater has to get to the bottom of the mystery and [SPOILER, for those who haven't seen the trailer, which gives this away] avenge Vinh's death.
I spent a great deal of Gleaming The Cube feeling like plot points weren't connecting. Heck, more than plot points, I felt like entire sections of movie weren't connecting. There's the first part, which Vinh is really the star of until he's suddenly out of the picture. The Christian Slater does some detective work. Then he's changing his image from a skateboarding slacker to a clone of his brother for reasons I only half understood. Then he explodes some stuff. Then he's helping the cops get the bad guys. I'm sure there was a story in all of those setpieces but I couldn't quite follow it.
In all honesty, I don't know that I liked Gleaming The Cube. It was no Rad, I can tell you that much. Rad may not be a better movie (BMX professionals and Bart Connor are not great actors; however, Tony Hawk has a small role in Gleaming The Cube and is quite good) but the story is easier to follow. The story is also a lot more innocent and maybe I like that. I guess I don't want a lot of murder and arms dealing in my skatesploitation movies; I just want to watch dudes on skateboards. And there were really not a lot of dudes on skateboards, sadly. They opted to go the having-a-plot route instead.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I should point out that the only reason I watched Gleaming The Cube at all is because Christian Jacobs is in it. He is not in it a lot. I think he has two lines (the best one being "There's my mom's house! And there's my dad's house!") and not a single closeup. Which is probably okay because he was a teenager when they filmed it and if I thought he was cute I'd feel kinda creepy about it. (The curse of having a fangirl crush on a former child actor. Though I really don't think he got attractive 'til he got older.) But, yeah, it could be I'm disappointed in the movie because there wasn't nearly enough pre-Aquabats Bat Commander for my taste.
I tried to be invested in the story but it was just too choppy for me to keep caring and I found that my favorite part was probably the end credits, which showed Christian Slater's skateboarding double (at least, I assume it was a double; all his skateboarding scenes were shot in that charming '80s body double kind of way) skating around and doing tricks. That's the sort of thing I expected to see in the first place, dang it!

End of line.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

My 481st post

I haven't watched many movies lately. I've been watching all The Cinema Snob videos in order and the watching of actual movies has pretty much been put on hold until I've caught up with those. Any time not devoted to that project is taken up by The Aquabats! Super Show! and all the awesomeness that contains. So movies are on the backburner and, therefore, so is this blog.
So I figured, in the interest of posting something, I'd post a retrospective: basically, I'm going to look through the titles of all my past posts and write a sentence or two about what I think of those movies now.

Halloween Two - I still love this movie but haven't watched it (the theatrical cut, anyway) since it was in theaters.
Frankenstein - I stand by my assertion that Victor Frankenstein is a whiner.
Garden State - Wow, I spent a lot of that review complaining about what Zach Braff looks like. I really should have focused more on how terrible his movie is.
Session 9 - I have fond memories of this one but I always forget that it exists until someone mentions it. Then I get a nice little "Oh yeah, that was a great movie!" moment.
Malevolence - That's a review I wrote before I ever started this blog. And I still don't like the movie but man that review is clunky.
The Monster Squad - I just bought this movie on DVD for a dollar at a thrift store. That is what's known as a wise investment.
Taking Woodstock - This was a movie I really wanted to like because I had a big crush on Demetri Martin at the time. And I do still think he did a good job in the movie (and I still like his comedy, though I'm not really attracted to him anymore) but I can't imagine actually having to watch it again.
Saludos Amigos - This one is okay but it's no Three Caballeros. I like the Goofy cartoon, though.
The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto - I give this movie a lot of shit and I feel kind of bad about that. It's dumb but fun and the Hard 'N Phirm songs are great.
The Informant! - Ha! I forgot this movie was a thing. I think I liked it? I don't remember much about it and I kinda remember it not really sitting well with me but I'm also pretty sure it was pretty funny.
The Wizard Of Gore - Still haven't seen the original. Still think this remake was pretty disappointing. Far too bloodless for a movie called The Wizard Of Gore.
And Another Thing... - As far as I'm concerned this is not a real Hitchhiker's Guide book and I will never read it again.
Book Of Blood - This was pretty spooky but it's another movie I barely remember. (I get the feeling I'm going to be saying that a lot in this post.)
Trick 'R Treat - I really wanted to like this movie so I think I just claimed that I did. But in reality I like the idea of this movie a lot more than the movie itself.
Paranormal Activity - One of my Top Three Least Favorite Movies Of All Time (along with The Squid And The Whale and the Red that starts with Brian Cox's dog being murdered).
New York, I Love You - The main thing I remember about this movie is spacing out and daydreaming about how many of the stories would have been better if they'd starred Eugene Hutz. I'm not one for romances, though.
The Hills Run Red - William Sadler was great but the movie itself was pretty blah.
Skeleton Crew - I think at the time I liked it better than The Hills Run Red but now I barely remember this one but have a few fond memories of The Hills Run Red. Maybe I should watch them back to back again and see how I feel now.
Kronk's New Groove - I'll stick to The Emperor's New Groove, thank you very much. (Dear lord, I have been watching too much Cinema Snob.)
Dracula: The Un-Dead - Mentioning this book is still a great way to send me straight to Rageville. Just 'cause you're Bram Stoker's grandnephew (or whatever) doesn't mean you're allowed to throw out everything from his original novel that you find is inconvenient for your stupid Dracula fanfiction.
Fantastic Mr. Fox - This one was pretty good but was overshadowed by the Dethklok show I went to right after I saw it.
The Prisoner - We've all heard my assessment but it's the best I can do: Patrick McGoohan only died so he'd have a grave to turn over in when this aired.
Larger Than Life In 3-D - Only two Gogol Bordello songs? Boy is this movie not worth it.
Home Movie - The last ten minutes or so were pretty entertaining.
Nine - I love some of the songs and I like that the movie is colorful and sparkly. But plotwise, eh.
Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 - I thought this movie was a lot of fun but I also really don't like The Blair Witch Project so, you know, keep that in mind.
Sherlock Holmes - So fucking fun!
The Reposession Mambo - I did a lot of comparison to Repo! The Genetic Opera when I read this book and, to be honest, there was enough in common to draw a lot of comparisons between the two. But there was also enough not in common that I could judge this book on its own merits. And I came to the conclusion that it was pretty okay. It kepts me invested through the whole thing (I have a hard time reading fiction) and I still think about it from time to time. Hated the ending, though.
Night Of The Lepus - I wanted to like this movie more than I did. The bunnies were cute.
What A Girl Wants - Either I was feeling very generous that day or it was just preferrable to the other movie I watched that day (see next entry). Or it really was just better than I was expecting it to be, though I bet if I watched it right now I wouldn't like it too much.
Julie And Julia - Yugh. Needs twice as much Julia and zero Julie. This was the movie that made me realize I can't stand Amy Adams.
Murder By Death - I love this movie. Ensemble cast murder mysteries are my favorite comedy subgenre.
Feast Two: Sloppy Seconds - If you make a horribly violent, gory horror movie with a baby in the center of it, it's pretty much a guarantee it'll just upset me and I will hate it.
Feast Three: The Happy Finish - Much better than Feast Two but still a big disappointment compared to Feast.
CSI Miami: LA - I only reviewed it 'cause Rob Zombie directed it. I taped it, too, so I still have it somewhere. But it was (as far as I could tell, since I don't watch the show) a pretty standard CSI Miami episode and there's not a lot else I can say about it.
Repo! The Genetic Opera - My second favorite movie of all time. While I can find flaws in it, they don't matter because it's so wonderful.
Ink - I loved Ink and would love to show it to someone because it's just interesting and visually stunning but it's also so serious and made me cry so much that I'm not sure I'll ever get around to making my friends watch it.
Phantom Of The Mall: Eric's Revenge - Well, it had Pauly Shore in it and dippy '80s teenagers. And apparently it's a pretty rare find. Maybe I shouldn't have donated it to a thrift store.
Hollywood Monster: A Walk Down Elm Street With The Man Of Your Dreams - Yet more evidence that Robert Englund is as rad as I've always assumed.
A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors - Love it.
A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master - Like it.
A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child - Possibly my least favorite in the series.
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare - Too goofy and cartoony for me to not enjoy it.
The Princess And The Frog - How do I not own this movie?!
Harpo Speaks! - So good. Harpo Marx was a really cool guy.
The Brothers Grimm - The visuals and the stuff that revolves around the Grimm brothers is fantastic. I could've done without the stuff about the miliary but oh well, what're you gonna do?
Tobe Hooper's Night Terrors - I haven't bothered to watch this one again even though Robert Englund was very entertaining in it. I just didn't like the lead actress. Or the plot.
Dance Macabre - This is one of those movies that I wish had more of a cult following. I sure as hell loved it.
Dead And Buried - This was a good one. The plot was solid and I couldn't predict what was coming, which is a sadly rare thing.
Meet The Deedles - I forgot this movie was a thing.
Black Swarm - This is one of the better made for SciFi Network movies I've seen. Not enough Robert Englund in it, though.
Trapped Ashes - Anthology movies are almost always disappointing and Trapped Ashes was no exception. I just bought The ABCs Of Death, I hope it bucks the trend.
Wish You Were Dead - Dreadful.
Gogol Bordello Nonstop - This was a good one, though I think it frustrated me because I'm not Gogol Bordello.
House On Haunted Hill - A great, classic horror, lots of fun. Highly recommended.
Chaplin - It was good but I barely remember any of it.
Killer Pad - Dumb fun.
Wishmaster - It's a shame not a lot of people seem to talk about this movie anymore. It's really, really good.
Windfall - All I remember is that Robert Englund was dubbed with someone else's voice and I couldn't focus on the movie because he sounded so wrong.
Fangoria's Weekend Of Horrors - Less a movie than a promotional video.
Horror Hotel - I had to look at my review to remember what movie it was and even then I barely recall it.
His Name Was Jason - I'm such a sucker for documentaries about horror movies and this is no exception. Good stuff.
Heckler - I ought to watch this one again because a friend of mine just saw it and was talking about a part where a comedian smashed a heckler in the face with a guitar. And I don't remember that part but I sorely wish I did.
Deadly Vision - Meh.
Innerspace - Proof that some movies are better left in one's distant memories.
The Stendahl Syndrome - Boy did this movie not live up to my expectations.
The Phantom Of The Opera - I prefer it as a play. The opening credits were well done and I recall really liking how they did The Point Of No Return but I recently rewatched just that scene and apparently it's not as powerful when you watch that scene on its own.
Hatchet - Victor Crowley lives!
Halloween 2 Unrated Director's Cut - I really ought to watch this again. And the theatrical version.
Red - Possibly my least favorite movie of all time. I want to find everybody involved with the production and ask them "what the hell?!"
Heartstopper - Didn't have enough Robert Englund in it.
Nobody Knows Anything - Dreadful.
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer - Had some good moments but did not live up to the title.
The Frighteners - Love it.
A Nightmare On Elm Street - Terrible remake, mainly because of Rooney Mara's arrogant refusal to act. Also the script wasn't great. Jackie Earl Haley was a good Freddy, though. He deserved a better shot at it.
Suspiria - I was half asleep when I watched it so I don't remember much about it beyond how pretty it was. Probably should watch it again.
The Velocity Of Gary* *(Not His Real Name) - Well, Vincent D'Onofrio was in it a lot so it was worth it on some level.
Iron Man 2 - Fun stuff but I'm kinda over superheroes right now (well, non-Aquabat superheroes, anyway) so I don't have much nice to say about it today.
You Can't Take It With You - Another instance where I like the play better than the movie but the movie is still really good.
The Machine Girl - This one was pretty rad.
Matinee - I love Joe Dante.
The Screwfly Solution - Though he kinda dropped the ball on this one.
In Dreams - Not good.
Killer Tongue - This was a weird one but a lot of fun. I wonder if I could convince the Cinema Snob to review it. That'd probably be pretty funny.
Fuck - A documentary about profanity. So my cup of tea.
Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy - Oh my god what a wonderful documentary. So thorough, so respectful. Four hours devoted to my favorite slasher series. Love it.
Night Of The Living Dead 3-D - Not watching this one again.
The Great Smokey Roadblock - Love the cast, which is enough for me. I'd watch it again.
976-EVIL - For some reason I still think this is a good candidate for a stage musical. Something about the frozen house at the end just speaks to me.
Slashed Dreams - Oh, alternate title to capitalize on the fact that Robert Englund's in this movie. You're not enough to make it not boring. (This is another one I'd like to see the Cinema Snob tackle.)
Possessed - I remember the cover of this movie more than I remember the movie itself.
Python - Didn't like it.
Perfect Target - Another one where I had to look at the review to recall what the movie was. And even then I'm not sure I know what movie it is.
X-Men - Okay, the X-Men are another group of superheroes I still enjoy.
Surf's Up - Way better than I was expecting.
The Mosquito Coast - I didn't like it.
Toy Story 3 - The only Toy Story movie I like but that's not necessarily saying much.
Despicable Me - Way better than I was expecting.
Urban Legends: Final Cut - Made film school look like, you know, school, thus destroying a faint dream I'd had of going to one.
Urban Legends: Bloody Mary - Somewhat forgettable but oh my god that song! So gorgeous.
Bloodletting - Pretty entertaining but the ending was so dumb it tainted my opinion of the whole movie.
Desire - Not even Vincent D'Onofrio being handsome could save this movie.
Inception - I don't really remember this movie.
Halloween: The Happy Haunting Of America - Forgettable.
The Room - The Nostalgia Critic's review of The Room is better.
Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled - How the mighty have fallen.
The A Team - Every time I see this movie for sale at Target I consider buying it and then I don't.
Rob Roy - Not enough Tim Roth.
Audition - Didn't affect me the way it seemed to affect most people who've seen it. I'm kinda bummed about that. Movies don't scare me often enough.
House - Ha, I forgot this movie was a thing.
The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus - Tom Waits is so suave and the visuals are stunning. Like it a lot overall but kind of wonder if it would've been better if Heath Ledger had lived.
FearDotCom - The only thing I remember about this movie is the title.
The People Under The Stairs - This is such a strange movie. I love it.
Kung Fu Hustle - I liked the opening but it pretty much loses me after the awesome top hatted hatchet guy dance.
Fright Night - Lots of fun, like it a lot.
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs - Possibly the best animated movie of the past ten years. Lord and Miller are amazing.
Little Shop Of Horrors alternate ending - Oh my god.
The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History - Way too much editorializing from the author.
Deathtrap - Not a comedy like the box implied. I actually kind of hated it.
Phantasm - Kind of disappointing but I read so much about it before I saw it that that was probably inevitable.
Saw VI - One of the better Saw sequels but it's no Saw III.
2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams - Doesn't really pick up 'til the last half hour or so but I really love a few of the actors in it.
Friday The 13th - One of the better slasher remakes.
The Burning - Nice and bloody. Good stuff.
Return Of The Living Dead 3 - All I really remember about it is extreme close ups of the zombie chick piercing herself. No bueno.
Babysitter Wanted - Really tense and entertaining.
Final Destination - Really bummed me out. I had planned on watching the whole series but I never made it past the first one.
The Alphabet Killer - Somehow I ended up seeing this lousy thing twice.
Kung Fu Panda - Better than I thought it would be.
The Wizard Of Speed And Time - Had some fun moments but overall I barely remember it. I only watched it 'cause Mike Phirman told me about it once.
Shocker - In retrospect, I was pretty harsh on this movie. It was fun.
The Dark Half - The only part of this movie I remember is "What's going on out here?" "Murder. You want some?"
Life Or Something Like It - Awful.
Phantom Of The Opera - Boring.
Hellraiser - My mind just went blank. I have no idea what I think of Hellraiser. Guess I'll have to watch it again.
Steel Trap - Had its moments. Not great but not awful.
Caprica - I don't think I finished this one.
Inside - Never again. I can't say it's a bad movie, I could even recommend it to certain people. But, no. Oh my god no. Never again.
Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer - This one didn't stick with me like I thought it would. It was disturbing but it doesn't come to mind as readily as other, similar movies.
Slaughterhouse - Had to read the review to remember what movie it was.
An Extremely Goofy Movie - No thank you.
Sorority Row - Lots of fun. I hope to see the movie it's a remake of someday.
Willard - The scene with the cat upset me and that's all I remember about the movie.
The Donner Party - Yawn. What was I thinking with that huge Christian Kane kick I was on? The Christian Jacobs kick I'm on now makes much more sense.
The Ghost And Mr. Chicken - All I remember about this one is "Atta boy, Luther!"
Ed TV - Much better than I was expecting but I don't think I need to see it again.
Martyrs - This is one I'd actually really like to watch again. I wasn't impressed at the time but this one really stuck with me and I want to go through it again. I think I'd like it more a second time.
Hide - Couple on a crime spree movies are almost guaranteed to entertain me.
The Kovak Box - Forgettable.
Her Minor Thing - Terrible movie with one really amazing kiss that almost make it worth it. Almost but not quite.
Harper's Island - Man was this show depressing.
Machete - Really fun, looking forward to the sequel.
RED - Action movie about old people = infinitely better than Brian Cox avenging his dog's death. But I still didn't like it all that much.
Keep Your Distance - The one thing that made me enjoy it back then was an actor I am no longer into.
The Crooked E: The Unshredded Truth About Enron - And even when I was into him, he couldn't save this lousy thing.
Tron Legacy - Don't like it.
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part One - The closest thing to a good Harry Potter movie there is.
The Haunting - Better than the remake, I guess, but still dreadful compared to the book. And way too shrill.
The Boogeyman - Pretty okay but not good.
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip - Much better than I expected it to be.
Boogeyman 2 - Even though it consists mostly of clips from the first one, it's somehow much more entertaining than the first one.
Cecil B. Demented - One of my top ten favorite movies. So, so good! Makes me ridiculously happy.
Friday Night Lights - So not my kind of movie.
Classic Dating Tips - Oh, old timey instructional videos. You're so fun.
The Damned Thing - A bit of a disappointment, but I could say that of almost every episode of Masters Of Horror.
F/X - This was actually a pretty damn good movie. And it's fun hearing Gordon from Sesame Street say "goddamn."
Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein - Fun but couldn't hold a candle to that old tape of some of their radio sketches that my brother had.
The Bed Sitting Room - This was an odd one. I wanted to like it way more than I did.
Creepshow - I like Creepshow.
Nightmares In Red, White And Blue - Far too up my alley for me to not enjoy it.
Showstoppers: The Best Of Broadway - Has some good numbers, including an absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking Send In The Clown by Glynis Johns, but there was as much bad as there was good.
Darkness Falls - I wonder how different this movie would have been if they'd stuck with their original Tooth Fairy.
Final Stab - Pretty fun but not in a watch it again kind of way.
Red Hook - It was all right, I guess. I liked bits of it.
Going To Pieces: The Rise And Fall Of The Slasher Movie - See the entry for Nightmares In Red, White And Blue.
Frozen - Made me depressed for, like, a week. I will not be watching it again.
Brand - I don't think I was thrilled with it at the time but Patrick McGoohan's performance was good enough that I'd absolutely watch it again.
Escape From Alcatraz - Pretty good but a bit too serious for my taste. What happens with the artist character upset me too much to make me want to see it again.
The Quare Fellow - Not really my kind of movie but it sure has a lot of Patrick McGoohan in it!
Silver Streak - Richard Pryor was very funny.
High Tide At Noon - Fine actor though he may be, I don't buy Patrick McGoohan as a rapist.
The Three Lives Of Thomasina - Decent old live action Disney movie. I think I still own it.
All Night Long - Possibly the best of the old Patrick McGoohan movies I tracked down that year. I love it.
Braveheart - I had always assumed I wouldn't like this movie and it turns out I was big, fat wrong.
Mary, Queen Of Scots - I don't think I paid much attention to this one. Glenda Jackson is rad, though.
The Best Of Friends - Three old people talk a lot. Sounds boring but I really liked it.
A Time To Kill - The only good things about this movie are Patrick McGoohan being all snooty and southern, and Sam Jack's "Yes, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in Hell!"
Ice Station Zebra - That is one manly-ass movie! So good.
Mother's Day - Well, I don't hate it as much as the Cinema Snob does. It has its moments. I like that the whole thing turns out to just be a shaggy dog joke.
Watch Out - It's certainly no Pep Squad, that's for sure. But I'd kind of like to see it again. It was a strange, interesting movie and the lead actor did a great job of carrying it.
A Night In Casablanca - I haven't seen a post-Zeppo Marx Brothers movie that I've liked as much as the ones that they made with him.
Dolly Dearest - Pretty okay. Kinda forgettable.
Strays - I barely paid attention to this movie.
Horns - Stephen King's son proves that coming up with an interesting premise and a disappointing execution runs in the family.
House Of Fears - It was good but it really just made me want to visit the House Of Fears attraction. Too bad it isn't real.
The Toolbox Murders - I liked the first, murdery half better than the second, kidnappy half.
The Lawnmower Man - Would've liked it better if I'd watched it back in the '90s.
The Men Who Stare At Goats - I feel very fondly toward this movie and would like to see it again.
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Liked the songs, did not like the movie.
This Film Is Not Yet Rated - Made me wish the MPAA would hire people like me.
The Washingtonians - Of the season two episodes of Masters Of Horror I saw, I think this was the best but I wish they'd stuck with the tone of dread rather than going for the laugh.
The Green Hornet - There was a song in the end credits I liked.
Hell Drivers - Fun and pretty corny.
Insidious - One of the few movies in recent years to actually frighten me. Love it.
Brass Target - I checked out about half an hour in when Patrick McGoohan's character dies.
Fallen Angels - Did I even finish this movie?
Luck - Had some good scenes but overall was disappointing.
Hanna - Had a good first twenty minutes or so but overall was disappointing.
Alone In The Dark 2 - Not enough Bill Moseley.
Arthur - A lot of people really seem to hate Russell Brand but I actually rather like him.
Nor The Moon By Night - Really? Who would fall for the guy who's trying to convince a girl she doesn't belong here instead of a dashing Patrick McGoohan?
Carnival Of Souls - Not nearly as dreadful a remake as the internet would have you believe.
Ramona And Beezus - An "inspiring" "family" "comedy" that panders and insults rather than moves and inspires. This movie can bite me.
The Escort - A play that started out entertaining and kind of funny that suddenly took a turn and became very, very depressing.
Delicatessen - I wanted to like this movie much more than I actually did. I'd wanted to see it since high school; there was probably no way it could live up to my expectations.
Scre4m - Ugh.
Alice In Wonderland - The creepy 1950 version. Didn't like it much.
Kings And Desperate Men - A serious, depression '70s movie that I actually liked. But I never did get around to watching it again. I don't think I have the mettle for it.
Treasure Planet - Way better than I was expecting.
Two Evil Eyes - Pretty good, had some genuinely disturbing bits.
The Backwoods - Not enough Gary Oldman.
The Boondock Saints - Love it.
Are You Scared - Liked the premise better than the actual movie.
Two Living, One Dead - One of those movies where you just want to climb into the TV and give all the characters a good talking to.
The Hard Way - Barely remember it but I think Patrick McGoohan did a good job.
Jeepers Creepers 2 - Didn't like it.
Waxwork 2: Lost In Time - Lots of fun, liked it a lot.
The Phantom - Ah, another superhero I'm not sick of! I really loved this movie. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Darker and edgier is ruining everything.
Young Sherlock Holmes - Liked it a lot but the living snack food scene will probably disturb me forever.
Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - Such a letdown. I love the first three Pirates movies and then this one is all dreadful Penelope Cruz and stupid mermaid romance bullshit.
The Gypsy And The Gentleman - Boring but fun to make fun of and Patrick McGoohan has a big ol' beard.
Intruder - Loved it but hated the ending.
Dorian Gray - Kinda bummed me out and the portrait wasn't creepy enough.
The New York Ripper - A Fulci classic. Enjoyed it quite a lot.
Casino Royale - The original one, with Peter Lorre. I'm not a huge Bond fan so it didn't do much for me. But I do love Peter Lorre.
Taboo: The Beginning Of Erotic Cinema - Sounds way better than it actually is.
The Prowler - Really good '80s slasher. I'd like to watch it again.
Oscar - Sylvester Stallone doesn't get enough credit for being as funny as he is. This movie is a lot of fun.
Inside The Marx Brothers - A really interesting documentary but I wish the sound quality had been better.
TerrorVision - Made me feel sick to my stomach.
Scanners - Possibly my favorite of the Cronenberg movies I've seen.
I Need That Record! The Death (Or Possible Survival) Of Independent Record Stores - Made me feel sad and still makes me sad to think about it.
The Cocoanuts - I think I get I Want My Shirt stuck in my head at least once a week.
The Bible ... In The Beginning - It was all right. I liked parts of it.
A Private Man - Not really a movie but full of Patrick McGoohan.
Alice In Wonderland - No. Bad Tim Burton! *swats him with a rolled up newspaper*
The Man In The Iron Mask - Richard Chamberlain does a very entertaining sungod tribute dance thing. That was my favorite part.
Jamaica Inn - Turns out I only had one tape of a two tape set. Oh well.
A Night At The Opera - Too much opera, not enough slapstick. How is this the most famous Marx Brothers movie?
Zarak - Not enough Patrick McGoohan.
X-Men First Class - Had a lot of good in it but for some reason the first thing I think is how flat January Jones was.
Kung Fu Panda 2 - Made me cry a lot and not as good as the first one.
Horrible Bosses - I want to see this one again and find out if it's as funny as I thought it was the first time I saw it.
Love Happy - Even though I love Harpo, this is my least favorite Marx Brothers movie.
The House Of The Devil - Very well done and unsettling. The kind of movie that seems like it would have bored me but actually gave me the creeps.
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part Two - I hate the Harry Potter movies.
Death Becomes Them - My DVD of this movie didn't have any sound for the first half but from what I could tell from the second half, the couple who runs the Museum Of Death are cool people.
Hysteria - I didn't keep it but I could draw enough comparisons to The Prisoner that now I'm kinda wishing I had.
My Favorite Brunette - Liked it way more than I assumed I would. Bob Hope was really funny.
Kill Your Darlings - I'm not into experimental short films and Eugene Hutz wasn't in it enough.
Cowboys And Aliens - Was not worth a second viewing.
Cutthroat Island - Is that the Geena Davis one? It had all the elements of a really fun movie that just didn't come together like they should have.
Johnny Dangerously - The video for This Is The Life was better.
Fright Night - Lots of fun, like it a lot.
Bronson - Oughta watch this one again. I have fond feelings toward it but also don't really remember it.
Thor - I'd rather watch a movie about Thor's four friends.
Midight Movie - Really entertaining book but parts of it made me feel ill.
Frankenstein Unbound - Didn't live up to that creepy stitched-eye poster.
Dracula: Dead And Loving It - Really fun as long as I can make myself not compare it to the book. I miss Mel Brooks movies.
How To Be A Serial Killer - The clips of the promotional speaker self help video were way more entertaining than the movie itself.
From Dusk Till Dawn - Why don't I own this movie?
This Day In Fear - I don't remember watching this at all.
Bolt - Rhino is the only good part.
Taras Bulba - Eugene Hutz's introduction was the best part. Just not my kind of book.
Baby: Secret Of The Lost Legend - I didn't like it.
Everyday Sunshine: The Story Of Fishbone - What a fascinating band. I do own this movie.
The Perfect Host - I saw this movie the night before Halloween and on Halloween I hung out with a friend of mine and he was dressed as an Aquabat. Considering my current television obsession, that's the most important thing about The Perfect Host to me today.
Dr. Syn Alias The Scarecrow - This was all right but overlong. If I could find an affordable version of the collectible tin release of this movie, though, I'd buy it.
Puss In Boots - After the movie my cousin asked me if I liked it and I told him "Like is a strong word." I stand by that.
Drive - This movie, however, is fucking fantastic.
Vertigo - I'm so glad the movie barely followed this book at all.
A Very Harold And Kumar 3-D Christmas - About half an hour after this movie I found out my grandpa was definitely going to die.
Psycho - Might've been a more suspenseful book if I never saw the movie.
Hostel - Much better than I was expecting.
Hostel II - Even better than that.
Nine Lives - Oh lord, what a bore.
Psycho Two - Had some good scenes but still not a great book.
Psycho House - By this point I had completely given up on Robert Bloch.
Hugo - I would love to see this movie again. It was pretty damn magical.
Saw VII - Disappointing but the ending was good.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy - How can a movie with this much Gary Oldman be this forgettable?
The Human Centipede: First Sequence - The one girl crying "I want my mom" still makes me break down. Nothing else that happens in this movie upsets or disturbs me nearly as much as that one line.
Made In America - That was a fun night. I remember talking about the movie to my friends more than I remember the movie itself.
Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows - Lots of fun but what I really remember is Joanna laughing her head off at "Lie down with me, Watson."
Conan O'Brien Can't Stop - I really wanted to like this documentary but it was kind of dull. I wish it had featured more of his Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour.
American: The Bill Hicks Story - A very well made video about my favorite comedian of all time.
The Bleeding House - Lousy.
The Abomination - Surprisingly creepy for the kind of movie it is. (Another one I'd love to see the Cinema Snob review.)
Five Across The Eyes - One of the absolute worst movies I have reviewed for this blog. This movie brings out the misogynist in me.
Monty Python's Life Of Brian - I can't believe it took me as long as it did to see this movie all the way through. It's really good.
The Masque Of The Red Death - Entertaining but not exactly memorable.
Who P-p-p-plugged Roger Rabbit? - I think he based this sequel on the movie rather than the original book and that annoys me.
Who Is Harry Nilsson (And Why Is Everybody Talkin' About Him)? - Because he's fantastic, that's why. This is one of the few movies I've seen that I can confidently recommend to everybody.
Drive Angry - So much fun!
The Devil Inside - Going to see this movie was the closest thing to a date I've ever been on and the guy talked loudly through the whole thing. We never saw each other again.
Shadows And Fog - I think of all the Woody Allen movies I saw that year, this was the only one I really liked.
Kill Your Idols - Could've done without all of Karen O's "like"s and "you know"s but really fascinating apart from that.
Room Service - I have completely forgotten everything about this movie.
50 / 50 - Anjelica Huston was the best part of this movie.
Manhattan Murder Mystery - She was really good in this one, too, but there was too much of this movie that just made my stomach hurt.
Killing Zoe - Love it.
Alice - Not one of the better Woody Allen movies I saw.
The Woman In Black - Too many jump scares, not enough real suspense.
As Good As It Gets - I didn't like it.
Manhattan - I don't really remember it.
Arthur Christmas - It was a lot better than the previews made it look but I seem to recall there being some sad stuff that kinda ruined it for me.
Breathing Room - Not the best entry of the suspensey, sci fi-y, bunch-of-characters-in-an-enclosed-space genre I've seen but I love that genre enough to even enjoy the mediocre ones.
Spellbound - Old German Professor Doctor Guy was the best part.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - I actually really liked this movie, which surprised me 'cause the previews looked dreadful.
The Purple Rose Of Cairo - Okay, if you've never seen the movie, don't read what I'm about to say 'cause I want to say How It Should Have Ended: She should have chosen to go back in the movie with the Jeff Daniels that actually loved her, and that should have been followed immediately by shots of every copy of the movie being destroyed, just like the producer (or whoever that was) said they'd do, thus making it both a happier ending and a much bleaker ending. You blew it, Woody Allen.
Superbad - I liked it at the time but looking back I cannot for the life of me think of why.
Captain Ron - This is a fun one, very '90s.
Lars And The Real Girl - There's a lot of bittersweet surrounding this movie and I'd rather not say anything more than that.
Silent House - Lousy.
Interiors - Lousy.
Factotum - Well, at least it wasn't Silent House or Interiors.
21 Jump Street - So damn funny. I love Lord and Miller.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - Whoever told me this movie is crazy violent is a liar. It's only somewhat violent.
The United States Of Leland - Awful.
Subterano - Sadly pretty boring.
The Devil's Carnival - It's no Repo! but it was still pretty damn great.
Eastern Promises - I barely remember this movie.
Cassandra's Dream - Not a good movie.
The Cabin In The Woods - The best movie of 2012, no question about it.
The Raven - Awwwww.
The Pirates! Band Of Misfits - I need to see it again because I cannot remember what I was laughing at.
The Rutles 2: Can't Buy Me Lunch - Disappointing but without it I'd have never heard Back In '64, which is a great song.
The Avengers - Saw it twice and can barely tell you anything about it. Guess I didn't like it.
All Good Things - Not nearly as good as my friend made it sound when he first told me about it.
Dark Shadows - I liked the Alice Cooper part.
Hatchet Two - Forgettable.
Mirrors - I never did get to see how it ended.
Double Take - I still don't understand this movie.
The Long Kiss Goodnight - This movie is so much fun. This is the amount of fun that Cutthroat Island should have been.
300 - Too much talk, not enough swordfighting.
Total Recall - Entertaining '90s sci fi. I just don't like Arnold Schwarzenegger very much.
Inkubus - Robert Englund is the reason to watch this movie.
Snow White And The Huntsman - This movie was awful. How did I end up seeing it twice?!
Tourist Trap - This was a weird one and I didn't like it at the time but now I'd really like to see it again.
The Hunger Games - The more I think about this movie, the more I hate it. But I would like to see a movie just about the four adult characters (Elizabeth Banks, Stanley Tucci, Woody Harrelson and Lenny Kravitz).
The Horde - I'm so sick of zombies.
Rubber - This is another one I'd kind of like to see again just because certain parts of it are very vivid in my mind but I can't decide if it worked as a whole.
Enter The Void - I don't want to get into the depths of unhappiness this movie sent me to.
Rock Of Ages - I miss the play.
Brave - I love Brave so much I forget that there are any other Pixar movies that I like at all.
The Oxford Murders - Just watch the last fifteen minutes.
The Dark Knight Rises - I didn't retain any of it.
Slices Of Life - A neat idea but I didn't like any of the stories.
Total Recall - I forgot this movie while I was watching it.
Tales From The Script - A brilliant documentary that simultaneously inspired me to write as much as possible and to quit writing completely.
Being Elmo - Some scandal found Kevin Clash after I watched this movie. And I don't know much about that but I do still like the guy and I'm sad that he had to leave Sesame Street.
The Watch - Too much Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn, not enough Richard Ayoade.
The Bourne Legacy - The boring legacy.
Premium Rush - I can't get over what a terrible cop that guy must be to think he can use the alias Forrest J. Ackerman.
The Campaign - Awful.
Blood Simple. - Pretty suspenseful but not my favorite Coen Brothers movie. Not the worst I've seen, either.
Son Of Dracula - Not exactly a good movie but it looked like everyone was having a good time.
Safety Not Guaranteed - I'm surprised that I still look rather fondly on this one.
Lawless - Completely forgettable.
The Aristocats - Even the most mediocre of classic Disney animated features are worth a watch.
House At The End Of The Street - Elizabeth Shue was the only talented person in the movie and they wasted her. House At The End Of The Street royally sucked.
Looper - The first twenty minutes or so were good.
Pieces - Probably my second favorite of the Video Nasties I've seen. Lots of fun.
Argo - Proof that even I will like a based on a true story drama if it's done well enough.
Seven Psychopaths - I remember laughing a lot but don't actually remember the movie. I'd really like to see it again.
Sinister - Quite a letdown.
The Three Caballeros - I love this movie. It's strongly connected to my childhood and it makes me happy.
Red Dawn - Awful. But, once again, I spend way too much of the review complaining about how unattractive people are rather than how dreadful the movie itself was.
Bedknobs And Broomsticks - One of my top ten favorite Disney movies.
Fun And Fancy Free - Turns out I only like Mickey And The Beanstalk when Sterling Holloway narrates it.
Skyfall - The opening credits was the best part.
Attack Of The Giant Leeches - I've already forgotten it.
Forgotten Silver - Best prank documentary ever. Highly recommended to all.
Dominique - I'm really glad I got rid of those "fifteen horror movies for five dollars" sets I was going through. I wasn't enjoying them.
The Undertaker And His Pals - Except this movie. Best end credits song ever.
Nightmare Castle - Yawn.
Ecstasy In Entropy - Less than three seconds of Eugene Hutz shrouded by shadows. So not worth it.
The World Of Henry Orient - Love, love, love, love, love this movie.
Bell Book And Candle - Was fun but I feel no need to see it again.
Humungous - Mostly forgettable.
Hostel Part III - Not nearly as good as the first two.
Bloody Pit Of Horror - I fell asleep right as it started getting interesting. Make of that what you will.
Pooh's Heffalump Movie - Oh my god Lumpy is so cute my heart is going to explode.
Les Miserables - I'm still amazed by how much I liked this music.
V/H/S - I'm finally willing to admit I didn't like it very much. But damn did it have a good trailer.
The Serpent And The Rainbow - Bill Pullman is so cool.
The Ghost - Don't remember it.
Home On The Range - Okay, not every Disney animated movie is worth seeing.
Take It Or Leave It - I'm going to London the last week of September and I am going to see Madness while I'm there! Already got my ticket and everything! So excited!
The Lady Vanishes - This was a good, solid movie. I liked this one.
She Gods Of Shark Reef - Did I even finish this one?
Blackmail - Proof that not every Hitchcock movie is good.
The Road To El Dorado - Better than it looked in previews but still not great.
Alfred Hitchcock Presents: The Sorcerer's Apprentice - Hitchcock's bits were hilarious and the end of the story was genuinely disturbing.
High Anxiety - I liked it a lot when I watched it but now all I can remember are the scenes I didn't like very much.
Mama - I cannot ever see this movie again. It just made me too sad.
Candleshoe - I'm glad that family movies like this exist. This is one I will have no problem letting my kids watch.
Bran Nue Dae - Did not live up to its coolass trailer.
Rise Of The Guardians - Loved it until the ending happened. *hugs plush Pitch Black*
Dementia 13 - Had its moments but kinda draggy.
The Blob - Some creeping dread and some '60s corniness.
All The King's Men - I had no intention of watching this one but it sucked me in and wouldn't let me change the channel.
Cannibal Girls - Disappointing.
Alice In Murderland - I gave this movie a lot of shit (and used the word "cunt" way too much) but I actually really enjoyed it in a so-bad-it's-entertaining way.
Crazy Lips - I want this movie to have a huge cult following. It's so out there and awesome. I'm going to make my friends watch it.
Spider - Decent movie though I still don't know if I understood it.
Re-Animator - So much fun.
Serial Mom - Really disappointing.
Dr. Giggles - Really disappointing.
Zardoz - The opposite of The Hunger Games; the further I get from this one, the more I like it.
Bunraku - Beautiful movie. I've been trying to get everyone I know to watch it.
Videodrome - I think I wanted to like this one more than I actually did.
Superfudge - That is probably the most cursing you will ever see in a review of a children's book. But I really didn't like that book.
The Poughkeepsie Tapes - I liked the format better than most found footage movies but I still feel like it could have been better.
The Adventures Of Elmo In Grouchland - Has its moments.
Pippi Longstocking - I like the premise more than the movie. Maybe I'll give the book a try.
A Liar's Autobiography - Not nearly as good as I wanted it to be.
Dolls - Pretty good but not second-viewing good.
Love At Stake - Ditto.
Likehell: The Movie - Stupid but I like it. Not enough Scott Lucas, though.
Slumber Party Massacre - I love me some '80s slasher movies.
Transylvania 6-5000 - I probably would have liked it when I was a kid but man did it bore me.
Exam - Good movie, gave me weird dreams. I approve.
The Lords Of Salem - Can't wait 'til it comes out on video. I really want to see it again.
Graham Chapman: Anatomy Of A Liar - Should've just watched this and skipped Liar's Autobiography.
Primer - I've read a lot about it since I watched it and I still don't get it.
The Gay Bed And Breakfast Of Terror - Fun movie, stupid ending.
Alice - Terrifying.
Evil Dead - Remake done mostly right.

End of line.