Saturday, October 5, 2013

Hansel And Gretel Witch Hunters

This movie may as well not even exist.
I watched it on an airplane. It was the only movie in the Horror section of the plane's movie choices. I want to have a stern talking-to with whoever put it there because it is not a horror movie by any stretch of the imagination.
I couldn't hear much of the dialogue but it turns out I didn't have to. At no point was I lost, dialogue or not.
The special effects were large, abundant and uninteresting.
Gretel is set up as a strong character and then spends the entire film needing to be rescued by men.
The highest compliment I can pay Hansel And Gretel Witch Hunters is that Famke Janssen is in it. I like her. I think she's cool. I didn't like her character, I didn't think she even did all that great a job in it (she wasn't terrible, either; none of the actors were bad at all, it just wasn't a good movie), she just happened to be there and that's the nicest thing I can say about it.
That and I laughed really hard when Gretel's ogretroll friend punched a guy's head off.

End of line.

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