Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Slashed Dreams

This review is one giant spoiler, but the movie doesn't have a plot (or a point) so I can't see how anybody could honestly care.

The original title of this movie was Sunburst; Slashed Dreams is the title they gave it for video. And I'm completely convinced they did that to capitalize on a certain cast member who became quite popular playing a guy who slashed teenagers in their dreams. 'Cause Slashed Dreams is a title that makes no sense for this movie.
Honestly, Sunburst doesn't either.
The movie starts with a college class where everybody's talking about society and what their generation has to connect to and where their roots are and general '70s hippie stuff (I bet after class most of them went off to the school's theater for a Hair rehearsal). Then there are a few scenes with Jenny's boyfriend being a total asshole. So she breaks up with him and goes out to the woods with her friend Robert to visit their other friend Michael who moved into the forest and built himself a cabin a couple of years before.
And most of the movie is Jenny and Robert wandering around the woods, Jenny and Robert eating berries, Jenny and Robert watching a bear eat all their food, Jenny and Robert swimming, Jenny and Robert barging into a cabin because they assume it's Michael's (it is, but he isn't home, so it still seems rude).
Then, about twenty minutes from the end, an event actually happens. It's a miracle! Oh, but the event is Jenny gets raped. 'Cause it's the 1970s and you can't make a movie that isn't about things that are very serious and depressing. (I wasn't there, but I get the impression they outlawed fun in the '70s.) So then there's a whole lot of Jenny sitting by herself and not talking and being understandably very upset.
Then Michael comes home and, in about two minutes of talking to her, manages to kickstart her emotional healing process. Basically, he comes in and says "I'm going to make you some tea, and you're going to work that demon out of you." And she's all "Okay, that makes sense," starts crying and falls asleep.
Meanwhile Robert goes off and attacks Jenny's rapists. Jenny and Michael, hearing the commotion, run out to help him (I guess) and the rapists run away and Michael says "They won't be back" and sounds very certain he's right.
And I guess he is right, 'cause they don't come back. Jenny reads a poem about healing or having to experience pain to be a complete person or something, and she and Robert walk away into the sunset. The end.
I don't get it. What's the point? It's a Some Shit That Happened movie that's somehow even more boring than all other Some Shit That Happened movies I've seen.
That poem at the end made it seem like the moral of the story is "Being raped makes you a complete person," which is the most fucked up moral I've ever heard in my life and I refuse to accept it.
Maybe the moral is "Hiking is only fun for the people who are doing the hiking," because most of the movie is Jenny and Robert wandering in the woods, and it's boring as hell.
Maybe the moral is "Robert Englund is magic," because apparently he can help rape victims recover from their horrible ordeal in, like, fifteen minutes. She's totally better by the time she walks away into the sunset, which was less than twenty four hours after she was attacked.
Maybe the moral is "Nobody in the '70s had any imagination," because this movie is dull, boring and stupid.
And why did they make such a huge deal about Jenny breaking up with her asshole boyfriend if he wasn't going to come back into play? It seemed like a huge plot point, I thought he was going to follow them into the forest and be a creepy stalker ex asshole boyfriend. But he just disappears. The movie could have started with Jenny saying "Hey, Robert, I just got this letter from Michael and he seems really happy. We should go visit him." The movie would have been just as effective.
Which is to say, it wouldn't have been effective at all. The only thing I took away from this movie is "Robert Englund sure is pretty." Too bad he's only in about the last ten minutes.

End of line.

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