Phantom Of The Mall Eric's Revenge

Here there be spoilers. Ye be warned (but I can't imagine ye really care).

This was surprisingly... What's the word I'm looking for? It wasn't "good." Oh, yes! This was surprisingly not awful.
Phantom Of The Mall is one of those movies you'd run across at, like, two thirty on a Sunday afternoon on channel thirteen and you'd sit and watch the whole thing without really knowing why. There's a few minorly famous people in it (Ken Foree, a surprisingly mellow Pauly Shore, Morgan Fairchild) and some people who look familiar and you spend half the movie trying to figure out where you've seen them (Mac's dad from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia). And the end credits theme song is by The Vandals!
The plot is basic: A girl's boyfriend's house burned down exactly a year ago and now she's working at the new mall they built in its spot. The boyfriend died. Or did he?!
No. Of course not.
The problem is the characters do things because the script told them to, not because they're the natural reactions people would have. For instance, why is the dead boyfriend killing all the mall's security guards? They didn't do anything to him. They needed some kills for this to fall (barely) into the slasher genre, that's why. So, okay, it doesn't make sense but I can live with that.
But then there's the lead girl, Melody. Melody spends pretty much the entire movie moping about how much she loved her dead boyfriend. She meets a photographer guy who wants to help her solve the mystery of the orchids in her locker/boyfriend's house burning down.
Then dead boyfriend saves Melody's life and kidnaps her and she's happy to see him until he tells her they can be together again. Suddenly she's in love with photographer guy. I don't buy it.
I mean, I kind of do because Melody seems shallow enough that she could let some facial deformation due to burn scars get in the way of her, until that point, strong feelings of love.
I'm just saying, if she was honestly as in love with this dude as she claimed to be, the scars wouldn't really be a problem.
But, whatever, okay, I'll buy that she's no longer in love with dead boyfriend due to ugliness. I don't buy that she's in love with photographer guy. She barely knows him and he's the blandest. She only likes him because the script told her to.
Meh. Whatever. I didn't like or dislike the movie enough to care (well, I guess I cared a little or I wouldn't have written about it...).
The best part was the end credits song and the fact that now that I've watched it I don't have to worry about watching it again.
Unless I run across it on television on a Sunday afternoon.

End of line.
-Sally