Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Room

Everybody loves Johnny. Johnny's a great guy. Denny loves Johnny, Johnny's best friend Mark loves Johnny, Lisa's mother Claudette loves Johnny, Michelle loves Johnny, Mike loves Johnny... In fact, the only person in the world who doesn't love Johnny is his fiance Lisa.
You know how I know this? I saw The Room. The Room is basically a series of scenes that were not proofread or put together with any logic in mind, but are instead various arrangements of the following lines:

Lisa: I don't love Johnny anymore. I love Mark.

Claudette: You should marry Johnny. He makes good money and can provide for you.

Mark: Johnny's my best friend. [or] I'm Johnny's best friend.

Being Johnny's best friend doesn't stop him from having sex with Johnny's fiance three or four times through the course of the movie, though.
Meanwhile, what's Johnny doing? As far as I can tell he's walking around San Francisco, buying flowers for Lisa, having long talks with his friends about nothing and being a generally great guy. (Did I mention the guy who plays Johnny also wrote, produced and directed this movie?)
He also spends a lot of time having a funny accent and putting emphasis on the wrong words. ("I did not hit her. It's not true. It's BULLshit. I did not hit her. I did NAAAHHHT. Oh, hi Mark." That's right, most of that line was directed at nobody. He was just talkin'.)
My favorite scene in the whole movie is when Denny (an orphan kid who's now in college that Johnny is supporting out of the goodness of his heart because he's such a great guy) stops by just after Lisa has ordered a pizza. The scene goes something like this:

Lisa: Hi Denny. I can't talk, I'm really busy. Do you want something to drink?
Denny: No, I wanted to talk to Johnny.
Lisa: He's not here right now but he should be back soon. You can wait for him if you want.
Denny: No, I have to leave.

Actually, I think that may be more coherent than what's in the movie.
The other really "brilliant" scene is the flower shop scene. (Linking to it may end in my being forced to take this review down, much like The Nostalgia Critic was when he reviewed The Room, but I'm willing to take that risk. By the way, the Nostalgia Critic's review of The Room is still on Youtube (I guess he only had to take it off his official site) and is really funny; I recommend it.)
The Room was fun to watch once (emphasis on "once") and make fun of. Apparently it's become quite the midnight movie among ironic hipsters, but I just don't think I'm cynical enough for that.

End of line, haa?


Anonymous said...

I took the opportunity after watching the flower shop scene ("Oh, hi Johnny, i didn't know it was you." Yeah, those sunglasses really changed the way he looked and sounded. "Your my favorite customer." Why, because he said, "Keep the change"? Like you said, everybody loves Johnny. What a great guy. What a lousy actor. I took the liberty to watch the "Oh, hi Mark" scene, well, half of it, well 33 seconds of it because I couldn't really take any more. How did you manage to sit through the whole thing??

Sally said...

Ivan made jokes over most of it. And there was cake.

My favorite part of the flower shop scene is when she says "Oh, I didn't know it was you. Here are your roses," (or whatever) and he says "That's me." Wait... You're the flowers?