Sunday, May 22, 2011

Continuation Of Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Well, I was right. I liked it way better the second time.
However, I disliked the mermaid romance and the Penelope Cruz twice as much the second time around, so that's still a big problem for me.
'Cause the thing is, in both cases, the movie doesn't give the audience a reason to fucking care. At all. "Oh, okay, I guess the religious guy and the mermaid are in love with each other now. Neither of them has really had any character development at all and they've barely said two words to each other, but I guess I'm supposed to give a damn for some reason?"
As for Angelica, we don't really know anything about her or her reasons for doing what she's doing. But some events happen that cause her life to hang in the balance (it's an action movie, after all; the token chick needs to be put in some peril or another) and I genuinely believe the audience is supposed to care whether or not she survives. We don't care because she's shrill and irritating and useless, but I think we're supposed to care and that sucks.
On the opposite end of the spectrum we have The Spaniard (that's how he's credited), commander of the Spanish fleet, who barely has any screentime but by the end of the movie we know exactly what his motives are and how they dictate his actions, we know that he is a royal badass and, I at least, want to see a whole movie about him. He's not shrill or annoying, he's a dude with a job to do. He's barely in the movie at all but he is one of my favorite new characters.
Him, the crew of the Queen Anne's Revenge and all the evil mermaids.
But not Serena. She can bite me.

End of line.
-Sally

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