Feast II: Sloppy Seconds

Feast was a cool movie because it kicked expectations in the neck. The funniest part of the movie (the rest of this paragraph is a spoiler) is when Hero badassly announces "I'm the guy who's gonna save your ass" and then immediately gets his head bitten off. Yes, I've just ruined the joke for you, but they actually put that moment in the previews, so I guess somebody wanted the joke to be ruined. I'm just helping that asshole. (Wait, why'd I do that?)
Anyway, it was a good movie with a small group of characters trapped in one building by weird, unstoppable monster things.
Feast Two is about a gang of kickass biker chicks, led by Biker Queen, who's looking for revenge after the death of her sister in the first movie. They take up with Bartender (also from the first movie), a used car salesman, his wife, the dude she's having an affair with (who I absolutely hate) and tag team wrestlers Thunder and Lightning.
There's also a subplot about Honey Pie (who, in the first movie, decided "To hell with the plan," stole a truck and deserted everybody in the bar) that serves almost no purpose. She exists in this movie: 1) so Bartender can kick the crap out of her in the one scene where she interacts with anybody, 2) so she can run around in a tanktop and (near the end) no pants and 3) so she can be a punchline in the third movie. And, possibly, 4) to fill out the running time when there isn't enough for the core characters to do.
There are too many core characters, first of all. Too many badass biker chicks. I couldn't keep track of all of them. And there was one Greg Swank too many. He was an asshole who did everything wrong and he just wouldn't die.
In fact, nobody would. Feast had people dropping like flies when you least expected it. Feast Two saved pretty much all of its body count for the last five minutes. Most of the movie was more of a "conflicting personalities having to work together" setup. Which is fine, I guess, and there were elements of that in the first Feast. But Feast was also action packed. Feast Two felt way longer than it actually was.
And then there was the thing with the baby. I don't like it when people take the phrase "dead baby comedy" literally because one thing that's never funny is a dead baby.
Just one more reason for me to hate Greg Swank.

End of line.
-Sally