I went back and forth for a couple of days about writing about this one because I'd already seen it before (years and years ago, but still) and there was a problem when I taped it and I didn't get to see the ending. But I feel like I have a lot to say about the movie, though a lot of it is intangible so it might be touch to write anything.
First and foremost, I read a thing that said that Ghost World was inspired by The World Of Henry Orient, which is a despicable thing to say and everyone who ever even thought such a thing owes The World Of Henry Orient a massive, grovelling apology.
Valerie Boyd and Marian Gilbert, students at an all girls private school, meet by chance one morning ("You're new here, too, aren't you? Do you like it?" "They say it's the best girls' school in the country." "Me neither.") and immediately become best friends, despite one other student's warning to Gil that Val is crazy.
The girls keep coincidentally running afoul of experimental pianist Henry Orient ("And then two small bladders came out of their mouths."), usually when he's with the married woman he's currently dating. Val falls madly in fangirl love with him after they attend one of his concerts, so she and Gil dedicate their lives to stalking him, creating a scrapbook of him and speaking in vaguely Asian accents.
Things start going wrong when Val's parents come home from wherever they happened to be this time and her mother finds the scrapbook and assumes her daughter has been fooling around with Henry Orient because Val's mother is an idiot who's never met a fangirl before.
There are certain movies that hit me a certain way and The World Of Henry Orient is like a weird, warped mirror of my own life. I relate so immediately and strongly with Val and Gil. I've had friendships exactly like theirs: sudden, immediate, intuitive, fangirly, adjectives. Watching this movie is like watching the year of high school I spent almost exclusively in Jenny's company. If I'd remembered this movie existed that year, I would have insisted we rent it.
I actually have the same reaction to Heavenly Creatures, but to a lesser extent because Jenny and I never had sex or killed anybody. Henry Orient is much more my life; if there had been a way for us to follow Mike Patton or Tommy Kirk or somebody around while wearing conical straw hats and speaking a secret language, we probably would have.
But the reason I love The World Of Henry Orient is more than just that. I can relate to it in that way now, but when I was a kid and it was one of my favorite movies I'd never had a friendship like that. I'd barely had friends at all at that point. But I could always relate to it, I always admired Gil and Val, it was always a movie that punched me right in the stomach in the most wonderful way possible. I just don't know how to explain what exactly it is I relate to or the feeling it gives me.
It's just a wonderful, wonderful movie and I want to watch it again right now. I want to live it, I want to be it. I want to watch it with every close friend I've ever had.
I want to put on a conical hat and wait across the street from its apartment so I can kowtow to it when it looks out the window.
End of line.
-Sally
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Ecstasy In Entropy
Ecstasy In Entropy is seventeen minutes of proof that I will watch any terrible crap if Eugene Hutz is in it.
At least now I know he's not in it enough to make it worth watching.
The movie is basically, strippers, boobs, a catfight, a blow job, more boobs, people hanging around a strip club (one of whom seems to be doing drugs but the rest are all just kind of standing aimlessly) and then another catfight, featuring boobs. It's boring.
Eugene Hutz is in the standing around scene for, at most, three seconds (though it's probably closer to one and a half) and so enshrouded in shadow that the only way I recognized him at all was with my fangirl superpower of detection.
End of line.
-Sally
At least now I know he's not in it enough to make it worth watching.
The movie is basically, strippers, boobs, a catfight, a blow job, more boobs, people hanging around a strip club (one of whom seems to be doing drugs but the rest are all just kind of standing aimlessly) and then another catfight, featuring boobs. It's boring.
Eugene Hutz is in the standing around scene for, at most, three seconds (though it's probably closer to one and a half) and so enshrouded in shadow that the only way I recognized him at all was with my fangirl superpower of detection.
End of line.
-Sally
Monday, December 17, 2012
Forgotten Silver
I am an absolute sucker for movie history. I love Turner Classic Movies, even when they're showing something boring and / or depressing and I will watch any documentary about old movies. It's my favorite subject and it probably always will be.
Forgotten Silver is the type of documentary you'd run across on PBS. It's about a filmmaker named Colin McKenzie, whose films from the early 1900s were given to Peter Jackson by McKenzie's widow. The films turn out to be an amazing find, proving that a New Zealander flew before the Wright brothers and that McKenzie figured out how to make movies with sound decades before Hollywood did, among other things. McKenzie's magnum opus was a four hour epic telling of Salome.
The documentary covers McKenzie's personal life along with his professional work, and also follows a group of people looking for the lost set of Salome that was built deep in the wilds of New Zeland.
Forgotten Silver is completely engrossing and well worth every one of the fifty five minutes it takes to watch it.
The only problem I have with it is that it's completely fictional. (That isn't necessarily a spoiler. That's announced all over the DVD box and, also, I probably wouldn't have remembered the little blurb I'd read about this movie in a "cult movies" guide if it hadn't mentioned that it was a fictional documentary.) It's kind of sad that this story that I got so invested in, was so fascinated by, isn't the slightest bit true. There are so few clues in the movie, though, that it isn't a real documentary, I would imagine a lot of people were / could be fooled by it.
Highly, highly recommended. (What do you know; now I like three Peter Jackson movies!)
End of line.
-Sally
Forgotten Silver is the type of documentary you'd run across on PBS. It's about a filmmaker named Colin McKenzie, whose films from the early 1900s were given to Peter Jackson by McKenzie's widow. The films turn out to be an amazing find, proving that a New Zealander flew before the Wright brothers and that McKenzie figured out how to make movies with sound decades before Hollywood did, among other things. McKenzie's magnum opus was a four hour epic telling of Salome.
The documentary covers McKenzie's personal life along with his professional work, and also follows a group of people looking for the lost set of Salome that was built deep in the wilds of New Zeland.
Forgotten Silver is completely engrossing and well worth every one of the fifty five minutes it takes to watch it.
The only problem I have with it is that it's completely fictional. (That isn't necessarily a spoiler. That's announced all over the DVD box and, also, I probably wouldn't have remembered the little blurb I'd read about this movie in a "cult movies" guide if it hadn't mentioned that it was a fictional documentary.) It's kind of sad that this story that I got so invested in, was so fascinated by, isn't the slightest bit true. There are so few clues in the movie, though, that it isn't a real documentary, I would imagine a lot of people were / could be fooled by it.
Highly, highly recommended. (What do you know; now I like three Peter Jackson movies!)
End of line.
-Sally
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The 2012 Year End Roundup
Well, it's mid December and I feel like writing something. But I haven't watched any movies lately so I've decided to write my end of year review now, simply because I'm pretty sure I won't be going to the movies again this year. The only thing out right now that I want to see is The Collection, and I don't want to see it all that much. I would like to see Django Unchained, too; if I do get around to that I'll mention in its review what two movies it would have fallen between on this list.
Also, in case Dikembe Mutombo fails, I may as well get this out there before we all perish in a fiery Mayan apocalypse.
Overall, 2012 was an interesting one. I'm still unemployed (sort of; I get paid family wages to babysit my two younger nieces), still doing a bit of non-blog fiction writing (at the moment I'm writing a late-'70s, early-'80s style exploitation horror movie called Excess but I don't know if it'll ever get past the first draft stage because I don't want most of the people I know to find out what goes on in my brain) and still single (damn it).
This was also the year of getting back in touch with old friends. ... Well, I guess that actually started last year, when I started hanging out with my friend Dan from high school and went to Portland with Rebekah. This year I went and saw Vertigo at tha Castro Theater with my friend Jenny (also from high school; I met her in the same class I met Dan, actually) and hung out with my friend Michelle, both of whom I hadn't seen in years. They are both still awesome people and I'm glad to be back in touch with them. Hope to see them again soon.
I have three nieces now, instead of two, my pet mouse died several months ago but earlier this week I got a pet rat. My brother's family moved into our house and it's become very crowded and noisy with children but it's kind of fun and I take the two little ones out on long stroller rides almost every day.
And I don't seem to have much time for movie watching anymore. I do have a new Movie Lottery all ready to go, I just don't have the energy to start it. If all goes well, I'll start it tonight.
Probably won't happen, though.
Anyway, the year-end roundup covers the movies I saw in theaters this year (except Vertigo, since that's, like, fifty years old or so and I'd seen it many times before). And boy howdy were there a lot of them. So let's get this nonsense underway, shall we?
29) House At The End Of The Street - Certainly the biggest disappointment of the year and, yeah, probably the worst new movie I saw. The previews promised me a horror story that the movie itself could not deliver, being too wrapped up in its own teenage drama bullshit.
28) The Hunger Games - Also, it turns out I just really hate Jennifer Lawrence. I base that on the fact that she starred in the two worst movies I saw this year and she's terrible. I kind of remember my original review of The Hunger Games said that "I did like it" but the further away I get from it, the less I can claim that. The Hunger Games pissed me off and the more I think about it, the madder I get. The blood boilingly fucktarded names (Peeta? Really?), the dead eyed hateful protagonist, the lack of character development all around, it just royally sucked from beginning to end.
27) Silent House - For the most part, I completely forgot not only that I saw this movie but that it exists at all. Parts of it were kind of spooky and interesting but those parts are squashed at the end by the "big reveal," which dealt with subjects way too serious for a movie of this shitty calibre.
26) Red Dawn - 'Merica! I still can't figure out how I managed to see every movie Chris Hemsworth was in this year, but especially this one, since the only thing I could think every time I saw a preview for Red Dawn was "Won't be seeing that one." What the fuck, man? What the fuck?
25) The Campaign - I like Zach Galifianakis as a stand up comedian but he's never been in a movie I wanted to see. I tolerate Will Ferrell (one of these years I should see Anchorman because I think I'd like it, but other than that I actually kind of hate the guy). Put them together in a comedy that was probably supposed to be over the top about dirty political campaigns and you get mediocre unfunniness that makes you wish your were at home breaking furniture.
24) Snow White And The Huntsman - Really cool visuals, good actors as the dwarves, Charlize Theron trying her damnedest to ham up and then eat all the scenery (I mean that as a compliment) so you won't notice that the plot, the script and the vast majority of the acting are all terrible.
23) The Bourne Legacy - Nothing outlasts the Energizer Renner Movie. It keeps going and going and going and going and going...
22) Total Recall - Funnily enough, I can't recall. Any of it. ... No, wait, I remember flying cars and money with Obama on it. That's all I've got.
21) The Dark Knight Rises - Well, I liked listening to Bane talk and ... nope. I was going to try to come up with a second nice thing to say about it but all I could come up with was "Marion Cotillard is pretty." So, yeah, Bane made me giggle and one of the actresses has a nice face. Other than that it was too long, not terribly interesting, too serious and Anne Hathaway is terrible. Absolutely terrible.
20) Lawless - Yet another movie I barely remember. I know Gary Oldman wasn't in it enough (I like to claim he was in the preview more than he was in the movie) and once again Tom Hardy's character made me laugh (this time because the vast majority of his dialogue seemed to be "Hm.") but other than that I can't tell you anything that happened in this movie.
19) Rock Of Ages - My god was this movie awful. I'm still trying to wrap my head around casting an actress who can't sing as the lead in a musical. In what universe does that make sense? It had its moments but overall it was the opposite of good. Proof of that: my cousin, who loves musicals and has a much higher tolerance for terrible things than I do (she loves Glee and Kristin Chenowith), thought it sucked. If you can't impress her, you've failed.
18) Dark Shadows - This one I actually feel much kinder toward now than when I first saw it. I think that mostly has to do with the incredibly effective use of Alice Cooper's The Ballad Of Dwight Frye. I kind of forget everything else in the movie apart from that (other than a stupid twist at the end). I'm sure if I saw it again I'd remember why I disliked it so much, but as long as I only hold on to the Alice Cooper bits, it's a fine movie.
17) Looper - Looper is about twenty minutes of a good movie and about ninety nine minutes of a screenwriter not knowing what the hell to do after that awesome beginning of a sci fi movie he had an idea for. Should've made it a short film.
16) The Woman In Black - I found out months later that it was based on a play that is apparently terrifying. I'd really like to see it because the movie is nothing but jump scares and I'd really like to see a version of this story that's actually good.
15) The Watch - Too much Ben Stiller and not enough Richard Ayoade, but the Richard Ayoade bits were plentiful enough to kick The Watch straight to the middle of my list.
14) Skyfall - Sure I don't know much about James Bond but I was entertained. I thought the "Waste of good scotch" line was funny and the opening credits were fantastic. Wish they'd given Naomie Harris more to do and that they didn't spend so much time making you look at Daniel Craig.
13) The Devil Inside - More predictable than it would like you to believe and ends with an event that makes no logical sense within the universe the movie takes place in. Yet another movie I forgot I saw until I started compiling this list.
12) Sinister - Jo thought it was completely stupid; I thought it was fun and had a few effective moments among the wall to wall stupidity. I'd actually go see it again if someone else wanted to go. Still wondering why Vincent D'Onofrio went uncredited, especially since they put him in the previews. (I probably would have passed on it or waited for video if I hadn't known he was in it.)
11) Premium Rush - It kept me entertained while I was watching it and I'm sure if I ran across it on TV someday I'd keep it on and be entertained by it again.
10) The Raven - Awww, it's okay, The Raven. Here's a glass of milk and some Oreos. Looney Tunes is on in the living room.
9) The Pirates! Band Of Misfits - This is one I would really like to see again because there were parts of it that made me laugh out loud but I'd forgotten every one of them by the time I left the theater. It's driving me crazy not knowing what was so funny.
8) The Avengers - Honestly, I wasn't that impressed. It was a good, solid superhero movie but I'm not that big a fan of superhero movies. I don't dislike them, I just tend to only watch them because someone else wants to. Hell, even the fun of watching Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark has almost entirely worn off. I'm just not into it, guys. Sorry.
7) Safety Not Guaranteed - Thank god I haven't run into other people who have seen this movie. I still think talking to other people about it would ruin it for me. And Fake David Krumholtz's character's subplot was pointless. Other than that, I still quite like Safety Not Guaranteed, which is shocking because it's practically everything I hate in a movie.
6) Argo - Another one I really enjoyed despite the fact that it's practically everything I hate in a movie. It has enough John Goodman, Alan Arkin and genuinely interesting story to make up for all the Ben Affleck, based on a true story and politics, I guess.
5) 21 Jump Street - Everything Phil Lord and Chris Miller touch turns to gold.
4) The Devil's Carnival - Not the disappointment I was expecting. It's visally stunning, the music is good and the flaws in the story (a girl is condemned to hell for having bad taste in men?) are overlookable because of how well it's made. I'm a sucker for creepy carnival atmospheres in movies and all the acting is solid.
3) Seven Psychopaths - Another one I'd really like to see again because I laughed my head off the whole way through and now all I can remember about it is that the humor was dark and the story was interesting. Good job recovering from Total Recall, Colin Farrell.
2) Brave - So much better the second time. Brave is one of the two Pixar movies I truly love (the other is Up. Strangely, the only Pixar movie I own is Monsters Inc.) and I hope to see it hundreds more times in my life. It's so smart, so funny, so moving and manages to not be cloying, pandering or irritating. It avoids most things that deeply bother me about children's and family movies.
1) The Cabin In The Woods - Like this is a surprise to anyone. It's a damn near perfect movie.
Hmmm. Kinda thought I'd seen more horror movies this year. Guess I'll have to up my game next year, maybe start going to the movies alone again.
End of line.
-Sally
Also, in case Dikembe Mutombo fails, I may as well get this out there before we all perish in a fiery Mayan apocalypse.
Overall, 2012 was an interesting one. I'm still unemployed (sort of; I get paid family wages to babysit my two younger nieces), still doing a bit of non-blog fiction writing (at the moment I'm writing a late-'70s, early-'80s style exploitation horror movie called Excess but I don't know if it'll ever get past the first draft stage because I don't want most of the people I know to find out what goes on in my brain) and still single (damn it).
This was also the year of getting back in touch with old friends. ... Well, I guess that actually started last year, when I started hanging out with my friend Dan from high school and went to Portland with Rebekah. This year I went and saw Vertigo at tha Castro Theater with my friend Jenny (also from high school; I met her in the same class I met Dan, actually) and hung out with my friend Michelle, both of whom I hadn't seen in years. They are both still awesome people and I'm glad to be back in touch with them. Hope to see them again soon.
I have three nieces now, instead of two, my pet mouse died several months ago but earlier this week I got a pet rat. My brother's family moved into our house and it's become very crowded and noisy with children but it's kind of fun and I take the two little ones out on long stroller rides almost every day.
And I don't seem to have much time for movie watching anymore. I do have a new Movie Lottery all ready to go, I just don't have the energy to start it. If all goes well, I'll start it tonight.
Probably won't happen, though.
Anyway, the year-end roundup covers the movies I saw in theaters this year (except Vertigo, since that's, like, fifty years old or so and I'd seen it many times before). And boy howdy were there a lot of them. So let's get this nonsense underway, shall we?
29) House At The End Of The Street - Certainly the biggest disappointment of the year and, yeah, probably the worst new movie I saw. The previews promised me a horror story that the movie itself could not deliver, being too wrapped up in its own teenage drama bullshit.
28) The Hunger Games - Also, it turns out I just really hate Jennifer Lawrence. I base that on the fact that she starred in the two worst movies I saw this year and she's terrible. I kind of remember my original review of The Hunger Games said that "I did like it" but the further away I get from it, the less I can claim that. The Hunger Games pissed me off and the more I think about it, the madder I get. The blood boilingly fucktarded names (Peeta? Really?), the dead eyed hateful protagonist, the lack of character development all around, it just royally sucked from beginning to end.
27) Silent House - For the most part, I completely forgot not only that I saw this movie but that it exists at all. Parts of it were kind of spooky and interesting but those parts are squashed at the end by the "big reveal," which dealt with subjects way too serious for a movie of this shitty calibre.
26) Red Dawn - 'Merica! I still can't figure out how I managed to see every movie Chris Hemsworth was in this year, but especially this one, since the only thing I could think every time I saw a preview for Red Dawn was "Won't be seeing that one." What the fuck, man? What the fuck?
25) The Campaign - I like Zach Galifianakis as a stand up comedian but he's never been in a movie I wanted to see. I tolerate Will Ferrell (one of these years I should see Anchorman because I think I'd like it, but other than that I actually kind of hate the guy). Put them together in a comedy that was probably supposed to be over the top about dirty political campaigns and you get mediocre unfunniness that makes you wish your were at home breaking furniture.
24) Snow White And The Huntsman - Really cool visuals, good actors as the dwarves, Charlize Theron trying her damnedest to ham up and then eat all the scenery (I mean that as a compliment) so you won't notice that the plot, the script and the vast majority of the acting are all terrible.
23) The Bourne Legacy - Nothing outlasts the Energizer Renner Movie. It keeps going and going and going and going and going...
22) Total Recall - Funnily enough, I can't recall. Any of it. ... No, wait, I remember flying cars and money with Obama on it. That's all I've got.
21) The Dark Knight Rises - Well, I liked listening to Bane talk and ... nope. I was going to try to come up with a second nice thing to say about it but all I could come up with was "Marion Cotillard is pretty." So, yeah, Bane made me giggle and one of the actresses has a nice face. Other than that it was too long, not terribly interesting, too serious and Anne Hathaway is terrible. Absolutely terrible.
20) Lawless - Yet another movie I barely remember. I know Gary Oldman wasn't in it enough (I like to claim he was in the preview more than he was in the movie) and once again Tom Hardy's character made me laugh (this time because the vast majority of his dialogue seemed to be "Hm.") but other than that I can't tell you anything that happened in this movie.
19) Rock Of Ages - My god was this movie awful. I'm still trying to wrap my head around casting an actress who can't sing as the lead in a musical. In what universe does that make sense? It had its moments but overall it was the opposite of good. Proof of that: my cousin, who loves musicals and has a much higher tolerance for terrible things than I do (she loves Glee and Kristin Chenowith), thought it sucked. If you can't impress her, you've failed.
18) Dark Shadows - This one I actually feel much kinder toward now than when I first saw it. I think that mostly has to do with the incredibly effective use of Alice Cooper's The Ballad Of Dwight Frye. I kind of forget everything else in the movie apart from that (other than a stupid twist at the end). I'm sure if I saw it again I'd remember why I disliked it so much, but as long as I only hold on to the Alice Cooper bits, it's a fine movie.
17) Looper - Looper is about twenty minutes of a good movie and about ninety nine minutes of a screenwriter not knowing what the hell to do after that awesome beginning of a sci fi movie he had an idea for. Should've made it a short film.
16) The Woman In Black - I found out months later that it was based on a play that is apparently terrifying. I'd really like to see it because the movie is nothing but jump scares and I'd really like to see a version of this story that's actually good.
15) The Watch - Too much Ben Stiller and not enough Richard Ayoade, but the Richard Ayoade bits were plentiful enough to kick The Watch straight to the middle of my list.
14) Skyfall - Sure I don't know much about James Bond but I was entertained. I thought the "Waste of good scotch" line was funny and the opening credits were fantastic. Wish they'd given Naomie Harris more to do and that they didn't spend so much time making you look at Daniel Craig.
13) The Devil Inside - More predictable than it would like you to believe and ends with an event that makes no logical sense within the universe the movie takes place in. Yet another movie I forgot I saw until I started compiling this list.
12) Sinister - Jo thought it was completely stupid; I thought it was fun and had a few effective moments among the wall to wall stupidity. I'd actually go see it again if someone else wanted to go. Still wondering why Vincent D'Onofrio went uncredited, especially since they put him in the previews. (I probably would have passed on it or waited for video if I hadn't known he was in it.)
11) Premium Rush - It kept me entertained while I was watching it and I'm sure if I ran across it on TV someday I'd keep it on and be entertained by it again.
10) The Raven - Awww, it's okay, The Raven. Here's a glass of milk and some Oreos. Looney Tunes is on in the living room.
9) The Pirates! Band Of Misfits - This is one I would really like to see again because there were parts of it that made me laugh out loud but I'd forgotten every one of them by the time I left the theater. It's driving me crazy not knowing what was so funny.
8) The Avengers - Honestly, I wasn't that impressed. It was a good, solid superhero movie but I'm not that big a fan of superhero movies. I don't dislike them, I just tend to only watch them because someone else wants to. Hell, even the fun of watching Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark has almost entirely worn off. I'm just not into it, guys. Sorry.
7) Safety Not Guaranteed - Thank god I haven't run into other people who have seen this movie. I still think talking to other people about it would ruin it for me. And Fake David Krumholtz's character's subplot was pointless. Other than that, I still quite like Safety Not Guaranteed, which is shocking because it's practically everything I hate in a movie.
6) Argo - Another one I really enjoyed despite the fact that it's practically everything I hate in a movie. It has enough John Goodman, Alan Arkin and genuinely interesting story to make up for all the Ben Affleck, based on a true story and politics, I guess.
5) 21 Jump Street - Everything Phil Lord and Chris Miller touch turns to gold.
4) The Devil's Carnival - Not the disappointment I was expecting. It's visally stunning, the music is good and the flaws in the story (a girl is condemned to hell for having bad taste in men?) are overlookable because of how well it's made. I'm a sucker for creepy carnival atmospheres in movies and all the acting is solid.
3) Seven Psychopaths - Another one I'd really like to see again because I laughed my head off the whole way through and now all I can remember about it is that the humor was dark and the story was interesting. Good job recovering from Total Recall, Colin Farrell.
2) Brave - So much better the second time. Brave is one of the two Pixar movies I truly love (the other is Up. Strangely, the only Pixar movie I own is Monsters Inc.) and I hope to see it hundreds more times in my life. It's so smart, so funny, so moving and manages to not be cloying, pandering or irritating. It avoids most things that deeply bother me about children's and family movies.
1) The Cabin In The Woods - Like this is a surprise to anyone. It's a damn near perfect movie.
Hmmm. Kinda thought I'd seen more horror movies this year. Guess I'll have to up my game next year, maybe start going to the movies alone again.
End of line.
-Sally
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Bedknobs And Broomsticks
I'm pretty sure I'd seen Bedknobs And Broomsticks once or twice before but it was so long ago I may as well have been watching it for the first time today.
It's the story of a woman, Miss Price, who has been volunteered (basically) to care for three orphaned children during the war (World War One, I think?). She doesn't want to be their care taker and they don't really want to be her wards, so they decide to sneak out and head back to London. But on their way out the window they see Miss Price flying on a broomstick, figure out she's a witch and the oldest kid, Charlie, decides to blackmail her into being nicer to them. Or into not making them wash for supper or something.
Anyway, Miss Price is merely an apprentice witch and her witching school has just closed down, before she receives her final lesson. So she and the kids ride a magic bed to find her school's headmaster so she can get her final spell for Substitutiary Locomotion.
Bedknobs And Broomsticks is more than two hours long and I spent the whole movie feeling happy and small and nostalgic. Nobody makes movies like it anymore. Every "family" movie these days is CG animation and fart jokes, and if there are any musical numbers they're usually pretty terrible.
I love old Disney movies. Love them. Love them.
It was pretty cool to see David Tomlinson as a sort of incompetent P.T. Barnum instead of a rich, stuffy, uptight dad. And I love Angela Lansbury in just about anything.
Side note: Wouldn't it have been cool if Angela Lansbury and Peter Falk had a kid? It'd be a an unstoppable crime solving machine!
The other thing old movies (...well, some old movies, but this one certainly) used to have that don't seem to exist anymore was child actors who actually seemed to be human. Nowadays it doesn't matter how young the kid is, they always have Angelina Jolie lips and a plastic sheen and human emotions seem to be completely lost on them.
The kids in Bedknobs And Broomsticks, though, looked like people. They acted like people, they had emotions and I bet they did things like go to school and play ball games with friends. At one point I noticed the girl looked like what Jennifer Lawrence would look like if she was twelve years old and had life in her eyes and a genuine smile.
More than any of that, though, Bedknobs And Broomsticks is just fun. It's ridiculously long but I didn't mind that. If there was any part I didn't like, interestingly enough it was the animated part, which was the only thing I had any memory of from when I was a kid. It seemed sort of ... I don't know, rough maybe? None of the animals were very nice and it went on too long.
There's something about Bedknobs And Broomsticks (and in some ways, old live action Disney movies in general) that really ... I don't want to say it gets under my skin because that sounds negative, but that's really the only phrase to describe it. It just makes me feel so calm and happy. It's a good story, a well told story, it's funny without being "funny" (forced goofiness and fart jokes) and it's appropriate for all ages without being saccharine, pandering or false-edgy. It's more honest or something. It wants to entertain you and your family so it has children, witches, cartoons, singing and dancing, flying beds and clothes that dance by themselves.
It's wonderful. It could be a little shorter, but it's wonderful anyway.
End of line.
-Sally
It's the story of a woman, Miss Price, who has been volunteered (basically) to care for three orphaned children during the war (World War One, I think?). She doesn't want to be their care taker and they don't really want to be her wards, so they decide to sneak out and head back to London. But on their way out the window they see Miss Price flying on a broomstick, figure out she's a witch and the oldest kid, Charlie, decides to blackmail her into being nicer to them. Or into not making them wash for supper or something.
Anyway, Miss Price is merely an apprentice witch and her witching school has just closed down, before she receives her final lesson. So she and the kids ride a magic bed to find her school's headmaster so she can get her final spell for Substitutiary Locomotion.
Bedknobs And Broomsticks is more than two hours long and I spent the whole movie feeling happy and small and nostalgic. Nobody makes movies like it anymore. Every "family" movie these days is CG animation and fart jokes, and if there are any musical numbers they're usually pretty terrible.
I love old Disney movies. Love them. Love them.
It was pretty cool to see David Tomlinson as a sort of incompetent P.T. Barnum instead of a rich, stuffy, uptight dad. And I love Angela Lansbury in just about anything.
Side note: Wouldn't it have been cool if Angela Lansbury and Peter Falk had a kid? It'd be a an unstoppable crime solving machine!
The other thing old movies (...well, some old movies, but this one certainly) used to have that don't seem to exist anymore was child actors who actually seemed to be human. Nowadays it doesn't matter how young the kid is, they always have Angelina Jolie lips and a plastic sheen and human emotions seem to be completely lost on them.
The kids in Bedknobs And Broomsticks, though, looked like people. They acted like people, they had emotions and I bet they did things like go to school and play ball games with friends. At one point I noticed the girl looked like what Jennifer Lawrence would look like if she was twelve years old and had life in her eyes and a genuine smile.
More than any of that, though, Bedknobs And Broomsticks is just fun. It's ridiculously long but I didn't mind that. If there was any part I didn't like, interestingly enough it was the animated part, which was the only thing I had any memory of from when I was a kid. It seemed sort of ... I don't know, rough maybe? None of the animals were very nice and it went on too long.
There's something about Bedknobs And Broomsticks (and in some ways, old live action Disney movies in general) that really ... I don't want to say it gets under my skin because that sounds negative, but that's really the only phrase to describe it. It just makes me feel so calm and happy. It's a good story, a well told story, it's funny without being "funny" (forced goofiness and fart jokes) and it's appropriate for all ages without being saccharine, pandering or false-edgy. It's more honest or something. It wants to entertain you and your family so it has children, witches, cartoons, singing and dancing, flying beds and clothes that dance by themselves.
It's wonderful. It could be a little shorter, but it's wonderful anyway.
End of line.
-Sally
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Red Dawn
I never saw the original Red Dawn, so if you want some comparison study, please to be going elsewhere.
Red Dawn starts with news footage, people talking about political stuff, war type stuff, North Korea type stuff. And I was thinking "This may not be the movie for me." Then it cuts from news footage to teenagers playing football and I thought "And I'm done." If there's one thing I hate more than politics, it's teenagers and football. (That's two things.)
Okay, so the Douchebag brothers, Thor and Really Really Ugly (like, proof we evolved from cavemen; Michael Phelps and this guy are the missing link) are hanging out at a bar after the football game when all the power goes out and I have to fight every one of my natural instincts to keep from screaming "Oh no! Commies!" in a crowded theater.
The next morning, the commies invade Spokane and the Douchebag brothers drive through a bunch of backyards in a failed attempt to rescue Really Really Ugly's girlfriend, Equally Ugly. Then their dad tells them to "go to the cabin" and I think "All right!" because in the past, all the movies I've seen that feature Chris Hemsworth in a cabin turn out amazing.
Turns out, Red Dawn is the opposite of The Cabin In The Woods.
(Also, I find it interesting that I don't really like Chris Hemsworth (I don't necessarily dislike him; I just don't like him) and yet have seen every movie he's been in this year. Admittedly, I wasn't planning to see Red Dawn, it was just the only option tonight, timingwise.)
Anyway, the Douchebags and their friends Hunger Game and First Token Black Guy head out to the cabin, followed by Untrustworthy Guy, Vaguely Ethnic Chick and Vaguely Ethnic Chick's Brother Who I Don't Think Has A Single Audible Line In The Whole Movie.
So Mister Douchebag (I feel bad calling the dad that because he's probably the most likeable character in the movie, but I decided his sons's last name is Douchbag so their dad must be Mister Douchebag) gets killed in the head by the Lead Korean and the Douchebag brothers and all their friends (including Second Token Black Guy and Butterface, who turn up at some point) decide to lead the revolution, calling themselves Wolverines because that's their high school mascot and they have no imaginations.
From that point on, Red Dawn goes in a pattern: action sequence (guns and explodiness!), sappy scene (serious faces and "emotional" speeches). At one point Really Really Ugly rescues Equally Ugly from a bus of prisoners, which is great for them, but really douchey in a "good luck everybody else" way. That bus was full of people and he didn't even hand off the keys to one of the other prisoners before ditching them with his hideous girlfriend.
I will say, though, that the one thing in the movie I thought was really effective was the giant sign in the internment camp that Equally Ugly had to be rescued from. It said "You deserve to be here." Wow. That's fucking harsh. Good job.
The sappy sequences were just ridiculous if for no other reason than they give the audience no fucking reason to really care about these people and their "emotional" speeches. There's no real character development, I don't really relate or sympathize with their situation. Those scenes are just there because the screenwriter thought they were required. "Oh, now it's time to move the story along," or "now it's time to make the audience feel something." Except the movie has no real story and I feel absolutely nothing for any of these people.
At least the explosions were cool. And the movie was nice enough to only kill off characters who they didn't bother to give names.
Also, I have a really hard time believing that a douchey high school football player in 2012 would be a Dinosaur Jr fan. Sorry, costume department.
End of line.
-Sally
BIG, BIG SPOILER! STOP READING RIGHT NOW IF YOU CARE ABOUT SPOILERS!
At least, they didn't kill off anybody with a name until almost the end.
What is it about Chris Hemsworth dying abrupt deaths that makes me laugh so much? His death in Cabin In The Woods makes me bust up every time and when he gets suddenly, warninglessly shot in the head in Red Dawn I had to bite my hand to keep from laughing ridiculously loudly in the theater. (Most of the audience seemed to actually be enjoying the movie and I didn't want to ruin it for them if they actually thought that part was sad.)
End of line again.
-Sally
Red Dawn starts with news footage, people talking about political stuff, war type stuff, North Korea type stuff. And I was thinking "This may not be the movie for me." Then it cuts from news footage to teenagers playing football and I thought "And I'm done." If there's one thing I hate more than politics, it's teenagers and football. (That's two things.)
Okay, so the Douchebag brothers, Thor and Really Really Ugly (like, proof we evolved from cavemen; Michael Phelps and this guy are the missing link) are hanging out at a bar after the football game when all the power goes out and I have to fight every one of my natural instincts to keep from screaming "Oh no! Commies!" in a crowded theater.
The next morning, the commies invade Spokane and the Douchebag brothers drive through a bunch of backyards in a failed attempt to rescue Really Really Ugly's girlfriend, Equally Ugly. Then their dad tells them to "go to the cabin" and I think "All right!" because in the past, all the movies I've seen that feature Chris Hemsworth in a cabin turn out amazing.
Turns out, Red Dawn is the opposite of The Cabin In The Woods.
(Also, I find it interesting that I don't really like Chris Hemsworth (I don't necessarily dislike him; I just don't like him) and yet have seen every movie he's been in this year. Admittedly, I wasn't planning to see Red Dawn, it was just the only option tonight, timingwise.)
Anyway, the Douchebags and their friends Hunger Game and First Token Black Guy head out to the cabin, followed by Untrustworthy Guy, Vaguely Ethnic Chick and Vaguely Ethnic Chick's Brother Who I Don't Think Has A Single Audible Line In The Whole Movie.
So Mister Douchebag (I feel bad calling the dad that because he's probably the most likeable character in the movie, but I decided his sons's last name is Douchbag so their dad must be Mister Douchebag) gets killed in the head by the Lead Korean and the Douchebag brothers and all their friends (including Second Token Black Guy and Butterface, who turn up at some point) decide to lead the revolution, calling themselves Wolverines because that's their high school mascot and they have no imaginations.
From that point on, Red Dawn goes in a pattern: action sequence (guns and explodiness!), sappy scene (serious faces and "emotional" speeches). At one point Really Really Ugly rescues Equally Ugly from a bus of prisoners, which is great for them, but really douchey in a "good luck everybody else" way. That bus was full of people and he didn't even hand off the keys to one of the other prisoners before ditching them with his hideous girlfriend.
I will say, though, that the one thing in the movie I thought was really effective was the giant sign in the internment camp that Equally Ugly had to be rescued from. It said "You deserve to be here." Wow. That's fucking harsh. Good job.
The sappy sequences were just ridiculous if for no other reason than they give the audience no fucking reason to really care about these people and their "emotional" speeches. There's no real character development, I don't really relate or sympathize with their situation. Those scenes are just there because the screenwriter thought they were required. "Oh, now it's time to move the story along," or "now it's time to make the audience feel something." Except the movie has no real story and I feel absolutely nothing for any of these people.
At least the explosions were cool. And the movie was nice enough to only kill off characters who they didn't bother to give names.
Also, I have a really hard time believing that a douchey high school football player in 2012 would be a Dinosaur Jr fan. Sorry, costume department.
End of line.
-Sally
BIG, BIG SPOILER! STOP READING RIGHT NOW IF YOU CARE ABOUT SPOILERS!
At least, they didn't kill off anybody with a name until almost the end.
What is it about Chris Hemsworth dying abrupt deaths that makes me laugh so much? His death in Cabin In The Woods makes me bust up every time and when he gets suddenly, warninglessly shot in the head in Red Dawn I had to bite my hand to keep from laughing ridiculously loudly in the theater. (Most of the audience seemed to actually be enjoying the movie and I didn't want to ruin it for them if they actually thought that part was sad.)
End of line again.
-Sally
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The Three Caballeros
This isn't a review so much as it is a theory. I've been stewing on it for a while and, inspired by Cracked's article today on fan theories about children's cartoons, I have decided to share it with the internet, where it will be promptly ignored.
The Three Caballeros seems to be a movie about Donald Duck's struggle with his sexuality.
The premise of the movie is that it's Donald's birthday and he has received three gifts.
Gift One is a projector and films about birds, including a penguin who doesn't fit in with the other penguins, the flamboyant Aracuan and a scissors bird who gives another bird a new hairstyle.
Gift Two is the charming, well dressed Jose Carioca, who sings Donald a beautiful song and takes him on a trip to Baia, Brazil. There they meet a woman who sings, sells cookies and is constantly surrounded by men. (Donald is infatuated with the woman but so are all the other guys in the scene. Except Jose, who seems to be annoyed and amused by Donald's affection toward the woman.)
Gift Three is Panchito Pistoles, another flamboyant bird, who leads Jose and Donald in the title song, featuring a line that translates to "We're three men, three gay men." He then gives Donald a pinata which bursts open into a full-on Disney Acid Sequence where Donald chases beautiful women, only to have them turn into Jose and Panchito when he kisses them.
Sure, it's a flimsy theory but it's something that occured to me when I was rewatching The Three Caballeros a month or so again and once I thought of it, I could not shake it.
All I'm saying is if Donald isn't at least bisexual why would he want a charming, well dressed man to take him to Brazil for his birthday?
End of line.
-Sally
The Three Caballeros seems to be a movie about Donald Duck's struggle with his sexuality.
The premise of the movie is that it's Donald's birthday and he has received three gifts.
Gift One is a projector and films about birds, including a penguin who doesn't fit in with the other penguins, the flamboyant Aracuan and a scissors bird who gives another bird a new hairstyle.
Gift Two is the charming, well dressed Jose Carioca, who sings Donald a beautiful song and takes him on a trip to Baia, Brazil. There they meet a woman who sings, sells cookies and is constantly surrounded by men. (Donald is infatuated with the woman but so are all the other guys in the scene. Except Jose, who seems to be annoyed and amused by Donald's affection toward the woman.)
Gift Three is Panchito Pistoles, another flamboyant bird, who leads Jose and Donald in the title song, featuring a line that translates to "We're three men, three gay men." He then gives Donald a pinata which bursts open into a full-on Disney Acid Sequence where Donald chases beautiful women, only to have them turn into Jose and Panchito when he kisses them.
Sure, it's a flimsy theory but it's something that occured to me when I was rewatching The Three Caballeros a month or so again and once I thought of it, I could not shake it.
All I'm saying is if Donald isn't at least bisexual why would he want a charming, well dressed man to take him to Brazil for his birthday?
End of line.
-Sally
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
