Nine

This year (2009, funnily enough) was the year of "nine" movies: we got District 9, 9 and Nine. Nine is the only one I had any interest in at all.
That was because it was awesome. Mostly. It had all these pesky dialogue scenes that moved the plot along, though, getting in the way of all the musical numbers. Sure, the plot gave Marion Cotillard's songs far more dramatic power than they would have had without it, but I still could have done without.
...Okay, that's not entirely true. What I could have done without, plotwise, was Penelope Cruz. I liked the "moviemaker having an impossible time coming up with his next movie." But on top of that we had the whole melodramatic "guy and his wife and his mistress" thing where the wife knows about the mistress and she's very demure and put up on and heartbreaking, and the mistress is whiny and wants to be seen in public with the guy and has a put upon husband of her own. I hate that crap and I think the movie would have been infinitely better without it.
Of course, then there pretty much would have been no plot and, again, Marion Cotillard wouldn't have had anything to do at all. She probably wouldn't have even had any songs to sing.
I'd like to point out that she was the only woman to get two songs to herself: a sad one and a "telling off her husband" one.
Anyway, other than the wife and mistress melodrama crap, I freakin' loved Nine. There wasn't a song in it that I didn't like, Nicole Kidman did us all a favor by barely showing up and I grew some respect for Stacey Ferguson (more commonly known as "Fergie" from the Black Eyed Peas. I will not call her (or anybody, not even my worst enemy) by that name. Because I don't like it. It just sounds disgusting). She was one of those people who always bugged the snot out of me just by existing. I didn't like her singing, I didn't like her man face, I didn't like the fact that she seemed to be buying into all of her own hype.
She's pretty much only in one scene in Nine. She shows up, sings her song (my favorite one in the movie; except maybe for Judi Dench's song) and disappears. She gained about twenty pounds for the movie, which alleviated her man face (I hear she lost the weight again, which is too bad 'cause it did her good), and it turns out the woman's an alto, not a pop-star-no-range. A damn good alto, too. My cousin and I had a frantic whispering conference as soon as her song was over, that consisted mainly of "Holy shit, I didn't know she could actually sing!"
Here are my thoughts on the cast:
Daniel Day-Lewis - This was the first thing I'd ever seen him in. He did a great job, and now I actually have a face to put to that name. Awesome.
Marion Cotillard - The point of her character is to make the audience cry simply by showing up, and she delivered. It's too bad that the filmmakers did everything they could to make her look like Audrey Hepburn for most of the movie because she's really quite pretty.
Judi Dench - So freakin' cool! Judi Dench is great in every movie, so that really goes without saying ("But you just said it." ... Shut up.) but her character is pretty much the only person who takes none of Guido's bullshit. She's snarky and awesome and her song basically sums up how I feel about movies: "They should be sparkly and fun and that's it."
Penelope Cruz - Bugged the crap out of me. Could not stand her. Just stop whining, lady. Go home to your husband. Quit trying to act like the victim in this situation, because you're really, really not.
Stacey Ferguson - I'm already making plans to be Saraghina for Halloween next year. Her song is the definition (my definition, anyway) of showstopper. The movie could have ended right then and I wouldn't have felt gypped. (I wonder if that song is the act one finale in the play? It kind of has that feeling.)
Sophia Loren - "We need an iconic Italian actress to play the lead character's ghost mom!" She was barely in it, but it was pretty freakin' cool to see her.
Kate Hudson - She served her purpose: She showed up, was cute, sang a song and wore a short, shiny skirt. Then she disappeared. And that's okay with me. I don't really get the appeal of Kate Hudson, although her song was a lot of fun.
Nicole Kidman - Like Stacey Ferguson, Kate Hudson and Sophia Loren, she only really existed for one song. It was a good song, and very sad, and I liked what little I knew about her character. She was the other woman who wouldn't put up with any of Guido's nonsense.
Oh, yeah, I guess I should mention the one problem I had with almost every song: It seemed the people singing were having a contest to see who could say the name "Guido" the most. Most of the songs mention the lead by name in rapid succession several times; even the song he sings about himself. Was the lyricist lazy? Were there songs from the play that didn't make it into the movie that weren't part of the Guido contest? 'Cause as far as I can remember, there were two songs where his name didn't come up, and I'm not entirely sure I'm right about one of those songs.
Anyway, the point is: the plot was acceptable, the visuals were amazing and the musical numbers were fun and flashy.
My kind of movie.

End of line.
-Sally

Home Movie

Here there be minor spoilers. Ye be warned.

A pastor and his wife have two adorable demon children, and they've got the home videos to prove it.
The dad is the definition of the word goober. The mom is a child psychologist who tries to be, like, 1980s sitcom mom. Jack and Emily almost never speak, choosing instead to express themselves by throwing silverware to the floor, biting kids at school and crucifying the cat.
As with every other "found footage" type movie I've seen, there's one character who just can't stop filming, in this case Goober Dad. The mom uses the camera a little bit, mostly when she's being Child Psychologist Lady and speaking very, very softly to prove that she's professional. Apparently you're not supposed to be able to hear what professionals are saying.
The problem with this movie and, indeed, with all slow burn movies, is that it's a slow burn. Sure, maybe it's more effective than if the movie started with the kids murdering folks (or whatever) but it's so damn predictable:
1) everything seems normal other than the fact that one thing is off (in this case, the kids are abnormally quiet)
2) the one thing that was a little off becomes far more noticeable (the kids throw rocks and kill pets)
3) something crazy happens (the kids have bite marks all over themselves)
4) things come to a head (Mom medicates the kids, Dad exorcises them)
5) the calm before the actual storm (meds and de-demonizing works; kids befriend school chum who they attacked earlier)
6) the storm (the kids weren't "fixed" after all)
Sure, the storm is awesome once you get there, and it would probably be a stupid storm if you didn't have to sit through all that other crap.
The problem is, I've seen all the other crap and I know what's going to happen and it's a trial to sit through all of it when I can already tell you the sequence of events.
Why has nobody tried to reinvent the slow burn horror movie yet?

End of line.
-Sally

Larger Than Live In 3D

I don't feel entirely right reviewing a movie I didn't actually finish, but I saw enough to know how I feel about it.
Basically, it was mostly a Dave Matthews Band concert film, with opening bands Gogol Bordello and Ben Harper And Relentless7. If I had known, going in, exactly what the setup was going to be, I would have waited and rented it.
Gogol Bordello played two songs. Ben Harper And Relentless7 played three. The rest of the movie was Dave Matthews Band. I didn't know that. I thought each band would be given an equal amount of screen time.
So my disappointment stems from the fact that I didn't know enough about it going in.
I wasn't familliar with Ben Harper And Relentless7. They're not my kind of music. I knew going in I'm not big on Dave Matthews Band. It makes me tired and grouchy and he looks like Jeremy Piven and das ist just nicht mein bier.
And, honestly, I have no idea where the hell Gogol Bordello was even supposed to fit into this movie. Maybe because, like Dave Matthews Band, they have a violin player? (His name is Sergei. We love him.) Because they're a multicultural band and Dave Matthews is from South Africa? Or was maybe Dave Matthews a fan and requested that they be one of his opening acts?
I love Gogol Bordello. They're amazing to see in concert because they're so alive. I can't think of a better way to describe it. I do not know how to be unhappy when I'm listening to their music, and seeing them perform adds to the glorious, unadulterated joy. It was hard to not get up and dance all over the theater.
The second they were gone, the energy died. Ben Harper And Relentless7 just stood there, playing their generic bluesy mid-90s style rock. The drummer made me laugh because he had a severe case of Drummer Face, but I can't say I enjoyed them at all. It's a bad sign when I can't remember your music but I can remember laughing at your drummer.
We left after four Dave Matthews Band songs. If I had been alone I might have stuck it out (or left the second Gogol Bordello left the stage, depending on my mood at the time) but my mom had had enough, and I can't say I blame her. He wasn't lively or interesting, either. He at least acted like he was trying to dance, but he wasn't the living embodiment of his music. Actually, maybe he was: they were both pretty boring. The point is, I don't know how the movie ended. I don't think Gogol Bordello came back.
So, yeah. I don't know how they ended up in this movie, and I really wish there had been more of them.
It was very obvious that the songs were taken from, at least, the middle of their set. They played Start Wearing Purple and Think Locally Fuck Globally (which I will get to in a minute) but at the start of the movie Eugene was already shirtless and drenched in sweat. They'd obviously been playing for a while. It was the most abrupt beginning the movie could have possibly had.
And then there was the matter of their song choices. Nothing wrong with either of those songs; I love them both. The thing is, the movie's rated PG.
Let me ask you something:
If you're making a concert movie and you've got an entire set by a band to pick material from, and if the movie you're making is going to be rated PG, would you pick, as one of the two songs by this particular band, would you pick the song that not only has the word "fuck" in the title, but is said about every thirty seconds in the song itself?
There were a lot of odd little pauses in the song where nobody said anything, even though their mouths were clearly saying something. It makes me wonder what the people in the audience who were unfamilliar with the song thought.
It makes me wonder what they called the song in the end credits.
I just didn't wonder hard enough to sit through Dave Matthews in order to find out.

End of line.
-Sally